Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Girl: That big lady across the room is staring at you again. You know she thinks you’re hot — I bet she’s picturing you naked right now.
Guy, rubbing his nipples: She wants my body.
Girl: In a minute she’s gonna look over here and do that to you.
Guy: Are you kidding? That bitch would have to grow longer arms so she could reach below her knees.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
Bimbette: You know what I like?
Brother: …What?
Bimbette: No, I don’t know, I was asking. Like, for serious.
–Kiawah Island Resort, Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: hannah
Little boy from Georgia: My mom says y’all are Yankees.
Little boy from Connecticut: Uh-uh, not me. I’m a Red Sox.
–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Big girl from Connecticut
Guy to friend: If they’re not Tara Reid, I don’t want to see their tits.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: anna
Chick: So, what’s there to do for fun around here?
Lifeguard: I dont know, I’m Canadian.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: NSBS Geo
Babysitter: Hey, do you want to build a sandcastle?
Kid: Yeah! These [feet buried under sand] can be our slave cabins!
Babysitter: Uh, I think it’s time we go swimming.
–Folly Beach, Charleston, South Carolina
Chick #1: Why didn’t you kiss me at the pool?!
Chick #2: Because I don’t want to have an open relationship with you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
