Archive for the ‘South Carolina’ Category

Hap­pens Every Time She Watch­es The O’Reil­ly Fac­tor

Quick-walk­ing woman leav­ing voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have nev­er want­ed to chop some­one’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down ly­ing piece of shit, and I hope he fuck­ing dies. I mean, a fuck­ing trac­tor-trail­er could run his fuck­ing sono­fabitch ass over and I would be per­fect­ly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myr­tle Beach, South Car­oli­na

Lamar­ck: The Ev­i­dence I Was Wait­ing For!

Girl: That big la­dy across the room is star­ing at you again. You know she thinks you’re hot — I bet she’s pic­tur­ing you naked right now.
Guy, rub­bing his nip­ples: She wants my body.
Girl: In a minute she’s gonna look over here and do that to you.
Guy: Are you kid­ding? That bitch would have to grow longer arms so she could reach be­low her knees.

–Myr­tle Beach, South Car­oli­na

And That’s All I Know

Lit­tle boy from Geor­gia: My mom says y’all are Yan­kees.
Lit­tle boy from Con­necti­cut: Uh-uh, not me. I’m a Red Sox.

–Paw­ley’s Is­land, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Big girl from Con­necti­cut