Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category

I’m Not Pregnant

Man: I can’t believe how much gas we saved by renting that car instead of taking mine.
Woman: Yeah, but how come you can fart in it, but I can’t smoke?

–Oregon

From The Big Book of Clumsy Pick-Up Lines

Girl #1, approaching girl #2: Um, you should work on your self-esteem more.
Girl #2: What? Who are you?
Girl #1: Take your shorts off. You’re gonna get an ugly tan line.
Girl #2: I’m okay with that, thank you.
Girl #1: What do you care if you are fat? Love yourself!
Girl #2: Fuck off! Who asked your opinion? Who are you?
Girl #1: Hey, can I bum a cigarette?

–Topanga State Beach, Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Freaked Out By CA Chicks

Marijuana: The Universal Language

Guatemalan teen, passing American teen on the beach: Quieres fumar?
American teen: Huh? What?
Guatemalan teen: Quieres fumar?
American teen: Bro, I don’t know what you’re saying. I don’t speak Mexican or whatever that is.
Guatemalan teen: Want smoke weed?
American teen: Oh. Hell yeah, why didn’t you say that the first time?

–Monte Rico, Guatemala

Overheard by: MangoJoe

My Cancer Never Forgets Me

Southern belle: If I had gotten on that boat, I would have met the man of my dreams. We would have had an amazing time and I would have fallen madly in love. Then I’d go back to Arkansas and he’d forget about me, just like all the rest of them.
Friend: Yeah… Need a smoke?
Southern belle: Yes! Do you have menthol? I love menthol.

–Fort Myers Beach, Florida