Granddaughter: Did you have fun in Hong Kong?
Grandma: Well, yes, there was a lot of Asian food.
Grandpa: And the people were all shorter than you!
Granddaughter: Really…
–Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia
Archive for the ‘Size’ Category
But Only at First
Short girl: I would make a really awkward stripper.
Taller girl: Ummm… What?
Short girl: No, seriously! Like, think about it — if I was up there stripping, I would be like half the size of all the other girls… My head would be in the same spot as their, you know… And that’s awkward.
–Bayfront, Hamilton, Ontario, Canadia
Sometimes He Claps with Them!
Drunk dude to another: Yeah, my dad has really big thighs!
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Overheard by: i dont know
And Often Swim in Water or Other Liquid.
Loud woman, about sting rays: They have a six-foot wingspan of five to six feet.
–Sea Life Park, Honolulu, Hawaii
Gidget Goes Commutative
Chick: Fifteen hundred isn’t a lot. That’s like a thousand… and five hundred.
–Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Alexis
Weirdest. Carnival Game, Ever.
Girl to surfer boy: If your dick is big as this ice cream I’ll throw the ice cream in the trash and lick your dick!
–Santa Monica, California
12-Year-Old Boys
Woman #1: Italian men make the best lovers.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: They have lots of stamina. They last longer and their penises are bigger.
Woman #2: What’s the opposite of that?
–Wellfleet, Massachusetts
Yeah, Congratulations on Having Unprotected Prison Sex
Girl #1: Hey! I’m suprised you’re even alive after last night!
Girl #2: Barely…and if Sharon realizes that there is a two-hour period where she doesn’t know where Aaron and I were, Rikki’s gonna be really mad… She’s already mad and she has no idea what happened.
Girl #1: What? Why, what the hell happened when I went to bed?
Girl #2: Well, Sharon thinks Aaron and I were just cuddling since it was such a small bed we were sharing and that I just felt bad that he had to sleep on the floor, but Rikki is really convinced we hooked up.
Girl #1: Well, did you?
Girl #2: Obviously, but we were in Dan’s room instead, so she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about… Wait, you’re not mad I hooked up with him, are you?
Girl #1: God, no! I’m proud that you managed to do it in a cottage that small and no one knew! I was against your wall and I had no idea! High five!
–Wasaga Beach, Canadia
Overheard by: I’m Proud Too
I’m Looking to Upgrade
Woman walker #1: I would never go out with him – his head is huge, his clothes are always wrinkled, and he doesn’t shower.
Woman walker #2: Ugh.
Woman walker #1: Besides, he smokes.
Woman walker #2: But you smoke, too!
Woman walker #1: I know, but I never date smokers.
–Lake Miramar, California
Overheard by: El Meech
He Only Put It in My Mouth, But My Ass Was Still Sore
Gay guy #1: Tom has such a huge dick! I swear I was walking bow-legged for three days! I think it might become a serious thing!
Gay guy #2: I know! He has such a huge dick!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
