Toddler grumpily trudging through the sand: Change my diaper!
–Island Park State Beach, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Should’ve used a condom’ Category
I'm Guessing The Sopranos
Little girl: I’m gonna… I’m gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don’t know…
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! … Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: kafrin
That's Not in the Brochure
Gangsta teen wannabe: Damn, son, check that ho!
Little brother: Which one?
Gangsta teen wannabe: The one with the splat-tat and the muffin top.
Little brother: Daaamn!
Gangsta teen wannabe: Maybe she’ll bend over and show some slut crack.
Mom, studying tourist info: What?
–Cannery Row, Monterey, California
Overheard by: gt6driver
Probably Has Something to Do with the Location of His Brain
Dad, about bald passerby: That guy is really bald!
Daughter: Dad, you have more hair on your butt than your head.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Ryan
Would This Lecture Be More Effective If I Demonstrated with a Raw Egg?
Man: Remember to say no to crack, Joseph. Okay?
Little boy: Huh?
–Indiana Dunes State Park, Indiana
Overheard by: Breet
Say, Did Your Parents Say Anything about When They'd Pay Me?
Babysitter: Hey, do you want to build a sandcastle?
Kid: Yeah! These [feet buried under sand] can be our slave cabins!
Babysitter: Uh, I think it’s time we go swimming.
–Folly Beach, Charleston, South Carolina
Like They Do with Our Astroturf Lawn
Chubby eight-year-old boy, walking and kicking sand up with his feet: Woah! Ma! Look at this! They've even got real sand here!
Exasperated mom, clutching French fries: No shit! It's real sand! Buying fake sand would be dumb. Everyone would steal it.
–The Bahamas
Overheard by: Fake sand maker
As Required by State Law
Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: beach*blonde
Leave Your Sister Alone, Honey — She Had a Hard Night
12-year-old girl: Mom! She’s throwing up pickles in the pool!
–Ixtapa, Mexico
Everybody from New Jersey Takes English As a Second Language
Five-year-old urchin: Look how much birds there is.
New York yuppie #1: Um…
New York yuppie #2: Yeah, I hard it too.
–Mini Golf Course, North Wildwod, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan