Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd.
–New Symrna, Florida
Archive for the ‘Should’ve used a condom’ Category
… And Because You Knocked Up Our Mom in the First Place
Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six-year-old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn't leave us alone.
–Bridgetown, Barbados
10 Dollars Cancels Out a Lot of Strange
Mother: Danny, go ask those people for a lighter.
Son: Why, Mom?
Mother: So I can light my smoke, baby.
Son: I’m not your baby, and no! They are strange.
Mother: I’ll give you ten bucks.
Son: Okay!
–Shark’s Cove, Oahu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Hope
"Arf-Arf" Means "Give Me the Meat or Die!"
Six-year-old boy running with hot dog in hand, chased by leash-less Doberman Pinscher: Look, Dad!
Suddenly-observant father: No! Drop that meat!
Six-year-old boy, still running with hot dog in hand: But Dad, I’m learning to speak dog!
–Ocean Beach’s Dog Beach, California
Overheard by: fishwhisperer
Payback's a Bitch
Saggy-drawered kid: That woman carrying shit on her head.
Mother: Boy, you ain’t in Brooklyn anymore. This place different. And keep your voice down.
Saggy-drawered kid: Hell, she don’t speak English. And what the hell computer boy gonna do, report me to the internet?
–Tela Beach, Honduras
Overheard by: Computer boy, I assume
She Told Me She Got That from a Rough-Trade Escort!
Kid #1: [Inaudible.]Kid #2: That’s the noise your mom made when I punched her in the eye with my dick.
–Beach restroom, Grand Haven, Michigan
The Exact Moment It All Stops Being about the Kids
Toddler grumpily trudging through the sand: Change my diaper!
–Island Park State Beach, New Jersey
I'm Guessing The Sopranos
Little girl: I’m gonna… I’m gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don’t know…
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! … Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: kafrin
That's Not in the Brochure
Gangsta teen wannabe: Damn, son, check that ho!
Little brother: Which one?
Gangsta teen wannabe: The one with the splat-tat and the muffin top.
Little brother: Daaamn!
Gangsta teen wannabe: Maybe she’ll bend over and show some slut crack.
Mom, studying tourist info: What?
–Cannery Row, Monterey, California
Overheard by: gt6driver
Probably Has Something to Do with the Location of His Brain
Dad, about bald passerby: That guy is really bald!
Daughter: Dad, you have more hair on your butt than your head.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Ryan