Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you're in the water, you're gonna die!
–Pawley's Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
Archive for the ‘Should’ve used a condom’ Category
Just Breathe a Little Water and We're Good
Man: Come back in the water with me.
Boy: No. You tried to drown me! You almost killed me!
Man: Well. You shouldn't have kicked me.
Boy: Kickin' someone in the ding-dong ain't gonna kill them.
Man: It might.
–Destin, Florida
I'm Rethinking the Joint Custody Arrangement
Mother taking away son’s boogie board: Enough, time to leave and go home.
Young son: You don’t deserve a child!
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Where Do You Live, Again?
10-year-old boy: My mom is such a fucking slut.
–Malibu, California
Overheard by: nicole
KKK Just So Stories
Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd.
–New Symrna, Florida
… And Because You Knocked Up Our Mom in the First Place
Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six-year-old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn't leave us alone.
–Bridgetown, Barbados
10 Dollars Cancels Out a Lot of Strange
Mother: Danny, go ask those people for a lighter.
Son: Why, Mom?
Mother: So I can light my smoke, baby.
Son: I’m not your baby, and no! They are strange.
Mother: I’ll give you ten bucks.
Son: Okay!
–Shark’s Cove, Oahu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Hope
"Arf-Arf" Means "Give Me the Meat or Die!"
Six-year-old boy running with hot dog in hand, chased by leash-less Doberman Pinscher: Look, Dad!
Suddenly-observant father: No! Drop that meat!
Six-year-old boy, still running with hot dog in hand: But Dad, I’m learning to speak dog!
–Ocean Beach’s Dog Beach, California
Overheard by: fishwhisperer
Payback's a Bitch
Saggy-drawered kid: That woman carrying shit on her head.
Mother: Boy, you ain’t in Brooklyn anymore. This place different. And keep your voice down.
Saggy-drawered kid: Hell, she don’t speak English. And what the hell computer boy gonna do, report me to the internet?
–Tela Beach, Honduras
Overheard by: Computer boy, I assume
She Told Me She Got That from a Rough-Trade Escort!
Kid #1: [Inaudible.]Kid #2: That’s the noise your mom made when I punched her in the eye with my dick.
–Beach restroom, Grand Haven, Michigan