Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
Archive for the ‘Should’ve used a condom’ Category
He'll Go Far with Talent Like That
Little boy #1: It’s my turn to use the boogie board! Mom said you have to share!
Little boy #2: Oh yeah? Well, too bad, ’cause I’m not gonna share!
Little boy #1: Oh yeah? Well, I just peed in your wetsuit!
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: RPLB 2000
I Don't Care What Anybody Says — Paint Is a Food
Six-year-old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.
–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
According to My Big Book Of Ways to Make Kids Cry
Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you're in the water, you're gonna die!
–Pawley's Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
And Beginning to Regret the Decision to Have Children Late in Life
Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you’re running out of numbers.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
And I'm Just Itching to Talk about It
Four-year-old boy scampering on shore: She’s got crabs! She’s got crabs! She’s got crabs!
Mom wading in water: Stop saying that!
Four-year-old boy: But you do… They’re all over down there!
–Sharky’s Beach, Port Charlotte, Florida
How that Stinky Guy You Work with Got His Start
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands!
Dirty son: No!
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands, Justin!
Dirty son: [Sticks his hands in the clogged sink.]Angry mother: Use the fucking soap. You just gave the dog his medicine in his butt.
Dirty son: No way, I already stuck my hands in my mouth.
–In-N-Out Burger, Long Beach, California
That's Not in the Brochure
Gangsta teen wannabe: Damn, son, check that ho!
Little brother: Which one?
Gangsta teen wannabe: The one with the splat-tat and the muffin top.
Little brother: Daaamn!
Gangsta teen wannabe: Maybe she’ll bend over and show some slut crack.
Mom, studying tourist info: What?
–Cannery Row, Monterey, California
Overheard by: gt6driver
It's Spelled 'Wilde,' but You've Got the General Idea
Four-year-old boy: Wild for penis! Wild for penis! Wild for penis!
–Long Island Beach Club, Long Island, New York
The Pool's on the Haitian Side Of the Border
Mom to screaming eight-year-old boy: I'm going to throw you in the pool if you don't behave.
Eight-year-old boy: Are you crazy? I'll get an ear infection!
–Resort Restaurant, Dominican Republic
Overheard by: Tanya from NY