Six-year-old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.
–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Archive for the ‘Should've used a condom’ Category
Sex Tourism’s Most Popular Souvenir
Random guy to little boy: Hey, you have fun today?
Little boy: Yeah, sure, but I still haven’t found those crabs.
–Hilo, Hawaii
Overheard by: Gwen
What Kind Of Example Are You Setting?
Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I’ve got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!
–The Hamptons, New York
Nothing Worse Than a Black Forest Caca
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
She Ain’t a Lady Either
Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year-Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!
–Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Catherine
You Win this Time, Mom
Young kid: Awww look, you were right. Now I don’t get to punch you.
–Vero Beach, Florida
Is That a Challenge?
Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl’s frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It’s not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I’ll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can’t hold you poop in forever!
–Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Millie
NewsFlash: Toddler Gets Eyes Pecked Out. “Deserved It,” Sources Say.
Three-year-old girl using towel as a cape and chasing seagull: I’m prettier than you! I’m prettier than you!
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: you’re very tan
Say, Did Your Parents Say Anything about When They’d Pay Me?
Babysitter: Hey, do you want to build a sandcastle?
Kid: Yeah! These [feet buried under sand] can be our slave cabins!
Babysitter: Uh, I think it’s time we go swimming.
–Folly Beach, Charleston, South Carolina
Leave Your Sister Alone, Honey — She Had a Hard Night
12-year-old girl: Mom! She’s throwing up pickles in the pool!
–Ixtapa, Mexico
