Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.
–Pensacola Beach, Florida
Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category
All the Good Indentured Servitude Positions Have Been Outsourced to India
American girl #1: You know what I want to get while I’m here in India? A Sherpa. That would be so cool.
American girl #2: What’s a Sherpa?
American girl #1: It’s, like, a people endemic to the Himalayas. You can buy one, and they carry your stuff for you.
American girl #2: Oooh, that sounds nice!
–Goa, India
Overheard by: Wish I were Canadian
Which Anniversary Is the Coors Anniversary Again?
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
There’s a Fucking Version? My Life Is Complete!
Boyfriend to girlfriend: So, what do you want to do? You wanna go shopping or something?
Extremely feminine, sweet-looking girl: I just wanna go home and watch some fucking Dragonball Z.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Tattoos Are So Hard to Arrange
Gay man to another: You are to florist shops as others are to tattoo parlors.
–St. Michaels, Maryland
Overheard by: I am to shoe stores
Still Doesn’t Explain Ted Kennedy, Though
Girl #1: Things happen for a reason, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah… It’s probably good that I’m not rich. If I were rich, I’d be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I’d still love you, but you’d be a total bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh… I can just hear me now: (total val voice) I’m going shopping! (normal voice) Ugh… My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that’s why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah… He knew we’d be terrible people.
–Nathan’s, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Wondering if I sound like this to other people
Shit, How Much Is That Gonna Cost Me?
Mechanic, returning car: I got a wireless cable.
–Wildwood Crest, New Jersey
How Much Less?
Junk jewelry salesman: Come on in here and see our stuff, señorita! We rip you off less!
Overheard by: tee
–Open air market, Tijuana
A Car That Runs on Water
Mother to teen daughter: I want the stuff they won’t let you buy.
–Medicine aisle of supermarket, Bethany Beach, Delaware
A Sales Pitch That’s Almost As Shitty As Corona.
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #2: Ice cold water, beer! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #1: Yo, we need wigs.
Beach vendor #2: Next time I’m wearing a pirate costume, don’t get it twisted.
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona, aargh!
–Brighton Beach, New York
