Bikini babe: She’s had sex before… but… like… only strap-on sex. So she’s totally a fake lesbian ’cause she still likes dick!
–Anna Bananas, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: just getting some beers
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
I Love a Girl Who Can Handle Her Balls
70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?
–Palm Coast, Florida
She Says We Got Married
College girl on cell: Last night? I don’t remember what happened last night! All I know is I woke up naked spooning with Claire!
–Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: The Classy Girls Vacation in Jersey
Moral: You Should Always Take Your Camera When There's the Chance There Will Be Lesbians.
Teen male #1: I just saw two lesbians kissing in the water.
Teen male #2: What? Why didn't you take a fucking picture?
Teen male #1: Right, I forgot to take my camera phone with me while diving into the water…
–North Crete, Greece
Before or after They Take Care of Joanie's Really Bad Slut Problem?
Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.
–Charlestown, Rhode Island
…Since She Has a Baby in Her Belly.
Girl on beach to group of friends: My college roommate worked at Hooters, she's nice but she's a slut-and-a-half!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Your Editors Beg to Differ
Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.
–Pacific Beach, California
STI's Don't Discriminate, Dear Reader
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: I'm still dripping.
Hot 20-year-old guy #2: Dude, you banged that chick like a month ago and you're still dripping?
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: Dude, duh! She was Latina!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
The Black Hole Of Calcutta Eventually Stumped Him
Guy selling belly and tongue rings: If you got the hole, we got the thing for it!
–Coney Island, New York
Teenage Girls: Encapsulated.
14-year-old girl to friends: Yeah, I'm not a whore… I'm just popular.
–Clearwater Beach, Florida