Boy to friend: When she called I was in my room, naked, blow drying my body.
–Jones Beach, New York
Archive for the ‘Sensory Experiences’ Category
Internet Porn: Explained
Guy on bus to friends: So the longer those titties were in front of me, the happier I became.
–Brisbane, Australia
JAP Repellant 2K6
Girl: If I use cooking oil, do you think I’ll tan twice as fast?
Boy: No, but you’ll probably smell like bacon.
–Corolla, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mandy
But I Resisted the Urge to Put My Nose on Him
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building’s the one my buddy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Unlike All You Nasty Boys
Girl to friend: It’s so hot. I’m icing my nipples, and they’re not even getting erect.
–Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: Yep, it’s really that hot
…As Confucius Once Asked.
Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
What If No One’s Around to Hear It?
Boy, obviously on drugs: My mum says that your brain is like a forest, and every time you take drugs you are cutting down a tree.
–Splendour Music Festival, Byron Bay, Australia
Yet Another Reason to Love the Beach
Guy: It smells like pussy out here!
Girl: It smells like you’re gonna have to find someone else to give your ass a ride home.
–Bixby Knolls, Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Armando
That’s What He Said!
Little kid on the beach: Ew! It smells like the ocean!
–Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: Megan
Yep, Sounds Like Him.
Six-year-old to mother: A big wave just came and knocked me down and carried me away and some lady helped me up.
Mother: Why didn’t your father help you up?
Six-year-old, in sneering voice: Cuz he was too busy going “hahahahaha!”
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: just the Aunt
