Archive for the ‘Sensory Experiences’ Category

How the Hell Would I Know That?

Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Lilian

Hey, I’ve Seen You Eat Molten Chocolate Cake

Elderly man, taking picture of his wife on the beach: You look like you’re having an orgasm!
Wife: How would you know?

–Pass-A-Grille Beach, Florida

Overheard by: The girl who almost ended up in the picture.

And I Do Mean Everywhere

Middle-aged soccer mom, incredulously: There is sand everywhere! (short pause) Like, no kidding!

–Calafia Beach, San Clemente, California

Overheard by: omg, are you kidding?!

The Partial-Birth Ones Are to Die for

Girl to friends: You know what tastes great? Scrambled chicken abortions…

–Tampa, Florida

I Assumed He Was the Nasty Boy Whose Coming Janet Jackson Foretold

Girl #1: It was really awkward with him last night, he kept putting his hand in his back pocket and down the back of his jeans.
Girl #2: Maybe he had an itch on his ass?
Girl #1: It was worse then that: he started rubbing his ass on the bar stool.

–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York

We Wouldn’t Expect Anything Less from You, Mary Kate.

Girl: I think that bitch Ashley got me sick. You know how you can feel it in the back of your throat before it comes… Wow!

–San Diego, California

At the Cultural Stereotype Quarterfinals

Perfect guido #1, intensely: Yo, bro, there is no way dat your granmudda’s meatballs are better dan my granmudda’s meatballs.
Perfect guido #2: Alright, bro, I’ll give you dat much. But my granmudda’s marinara sauce will blow your granmudda’s outta da saucepan.

–Jones Beach, New York