Archive for the ‘Rhode Island’ Category

Snow White Began to Regret Choosing Grumpy Over the Prince

Husband: There are always thieves on the beach.
Wife: Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine up my ass?
Husband: Well, there are.
Wife: You are just a ray of fucking sunshine up my ass! All day (imitating husband) “I can’t smoke here, I can’t drink here, there are thieves on the beach.”

–East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Penny Lane

Two Words: Ironclad Prenup

Ana #1: Oh my god, look at that guy. He’s huge!
Ana #2: Like, really, someone needs to introduce him to Weight Watchers or something!
Girl passerby: Hey, snugglebutt! [Gives large guy hug and kiss.]
Ana #1: What the fuck?
Ana #2: Girlfriend? That fat whale?
Girl passerby: Husband. And you two might have men in your lives if you actually had boobs rather than a caved-in skeleton chest. Come on, schnookums, let’s go get some ice cream.

–Westerly, Rhode Island

Overheard by: blanket not far away, lauging my ass off

Meanwhile, the Tooth Fairy Harvests Your Body Parts

Teenage girl #1: Wait, if there's a Mrs. Claus and Santa, then how come he doesn't have any kids?
Teenage girl #2: Well, all the children in the world are his kids.
Teenage girl #1: Santa's kind of a pedophile if you think about it. Like, I'll sneak into your house and give you presents if you love me.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, ew.

–Misquamicit Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Amanda