Big jock: We just need to give America back to the Muslims.
–Barceloneta Beach, Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: Confesed Passerby
Big jock: We just need to give America back to the Muslims.
–Barceloneta Beach, Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: Confesed Passerby
Girl: So, like, that Mary was too nice. I swear, if some angel came down and told me I was pregnant with God’s kid, I’d abort it. No immaculate conceptions for me.
–Santa Cruz, California
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.
–Miami, Florida
Girl with textbook: What’s the capital of the United States?
Boy: Washington, DC?
Girl with textbook: How many eggs to a dozen?
Boy: 12?
Girl with textbook: Where are the Jews?
Boy: Long Island?
–New York
Little boy, standing in water: I CHALLENGE YOU, POSEIDON!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Girl #1: I didn’t break any of the 10 Commandments today ’cause I was on a plane.
Girl #2: What’s a plane?
–Malibu, California
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven’t gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
Queer: So, like, let me get this straight. God got this lady pregnant and made her have a baby and then killed it so you could get away with whatever shit you wanted as long as you felt sorry?
Christian guy: Wow… I’ve never heard it put that way…
Queer: Sorry, I meant he killed him, it was a boy.
–Santa Cruz, California
Band kid to another: It was both gay and funny, like Jesus and Fergie combined.
–Palm Coast, Florida
Overheard by: Dahbuke
Middle-aged man #1: They smoke crack and worship Satan.
Middle-aged man #2: Good.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Bunny
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist