Girl #1: So have you spoken to him at all?
Girl #2: A little. I think he might be ready to get back together soon.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #2: Well, this might be overanalyzing, but his last move on Scrabulous was “sorry”.
–New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
…What Do You Look for in a Pastor?
Tall blonde: That’s fantastic, he seems really great!
Short brunette: You know what I love most about him? He gets me… I mean he really appreciates my sluttiness!
–World Pie, Bridgehampton, New York
I’ll Only Kiss You in Public Restrooms and Camera-Free Elevators
Chick #1: Why didn’t you kiss me at the pool?!
Chick #2: Because I don’t want to have an open relationship with you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Like Your Speedo?
Girlfriend in spa, whose bikini top is suddenly filling with air from the spa-jets: Ai! My top is blowing off!
Boyfriend: That’s okay, it’s not as if it was supporting anything.
–Hobart, Australia
Overheard by: JW
Won’t Stop Her from Giving You Shit.
Guy to woman: I’m not going to have a nervous breakdown like you did, and I’m not going to have irritable bowl syndrome like John. I’m going to visit mom less often.
–Manhattan Beach, New York
Still Doesn’t Explain Ted Kennedy, Though
Girl #1: Things happen for a reason, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah… It’s probably good that I’m not rich. If I were rich, I’d be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I’d still love you, but you’d be a total bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh… I can just hear me now: (total val voice) I’m going shopping! (normal voice) Ugh… My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that’s why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah… He knew we’d be terrible people.
–Nathan’s, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Wondering if I sound like this to other people
Helen Keller Didn’t Know How to Make Herself Any Clearer
Girl #1: Because I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Oh, really? I didn’t know.
Girl #1: Yeah, I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Ohhhh.
–Cavehill, Barbados
The Ringside Judges Have Me Ahead on Points
Man on cell: Yeah, Paul* and I aren’t friends anymore. He used my credit card and owes me $4000. Plus, it probably doesn’t help that I’ve been having sex with his mom… repeatedly.
–Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amused Passenger
Chloroform Never Leads to Love
Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware
Overheard by: Alaina
Four Being the Tipping Point for Homosexuality
Naked guy #1: My girlfriend thinks it’s weird that you and I come here every weekend.
Naked guy #2: Why? Did you tell her Mike and Rob come too?
Naked guy #1: Nah dude, I don’t want her to think we’re gay.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
