Guy (getting out of water): It's okay now, my nipples are hard.
–Pensacola, Florida
Archive for the ‘Rack’ Category
It's a Special Frequency that Only Bitches Can Hear
Black thug: Look at the tits and ass on that one.
White girl to friend: I think he thinks ’cause he’s speaking gangsta I can’t hear him.
–Hamilton Beach, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Steph
We Just Need to Figure Out a Way to Get Government Funding
Biker to biker babe: We could hide a homeless guy between your boobs and he could eat forever.
–Holiday Inn, New Smyrna Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Beeeej
Doctors Surgically Removed Her Husband
Woman: It wasn’t a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.
–Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Andrea
And Well on Her Way to Ruining Them with Sun Exposure and Heroin
Teen girl: I guess she has nice boobs, but they’re almost too nice.
Teen boy: Hey, give her a break. She’s only 13.
–Spofford Lake, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Nadia
…You Could Almost Ignore the Missing Teeth
Bro to another: Tequila out of her nipples, and…
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Without Big Boobs, You're Gonna Need a Lot More Than Water Tricks
Tween girl: Look I can float, and I don’t have big boobs!
–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jenn
What You Want to Steer Away from Is the Shield Volcano Kind
Tony: So, tell me about them.
Ralph: Her tits?
Tony: Yeah.
Ralph: Okay, you know those kinda tits — the Mount Everest kind?
Tony: Yeah, yeah…
Ralph: And you know those kinda tits — the Mount Whitney kind?
Tony: Uh-huh.
Ralph: They were a cross between those.
Tony: Ohhh. Solid, man, solid.
–The Hamptons, New York
If Only There Was a Way We Could Both Get What We Want
Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: Matilda
Yet Another Dream that'll Be Made Possible by the Childhood Obesity Epidemic
Little boy staring at girl in bikini: But why can’t I have boobies, Mom?! I want them!
–Jersey Shore