Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!
–Crane Beach, Massachusetts
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.
–Miami, Florida
Black woman to toddler running wild: Tyrone, get yo' black ass over here or I will spank you like a white man!
–Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: White girl
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: I'm still dripping.
Hot 20-year-old guy #2: Dude, you banged that chick like a month ago and you're still dripping?
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: Dude, duh! She was Latina!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Chick: So, what’s there to do for fun around here?
Lifeguard: I dont know, I’m Canadian.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: NSBS Geo
Little boy #1: I'm getting really tanned on this holiday.
Little boy #2: Yeah, you're turning into an aboriginal. When I grow up I want to be an aboriginal like you.
–Batemans Bay, Australia
Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Rich lady with yappy dog: Well, ‘Caucasian’ has ‘Asian’ in it. Then again, there’s a ‘turd’ in every ‘Saturday.’
–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Disturbed
Girl on cell: What? Baby, what are you talking about? Why would you want to adopt a Negro?
–Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: Hana
Tween girl: Daddy, why aren’t there ever any black people at this beach?
Dad: Well, I’m not sure, but I think they don’t care for water and the sun.
–Carolina Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Chad