Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
Seven-year-old, loudly: What do you mean nana doesn't vote Democrat?!
–Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: The RJP
Drunk guy: I’m scared of you… You look dangerous, like you could beat somebody up.
Drunk girl: What? Why?
Drunk guy: It’s the headband, you look like you know karate.
Drunk girl: I don’t know karate, I know yoga.
–Beaufort, South Carolina
Overheard by: Wish I had that logic….
Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don’t!
–Discovery Bay, California
Teen girl: It’s so freakin’ hot out! What are we gonna do?
Teen guy: We could go on the ferris wheel.
Teen girl: Are you kidding? For all five of us it would cost, like, a hundred dollars!
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Rafaela
Teen: What’s Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it’s hard to explain. They’re a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they’re also a humanitarian social services organization. They’re sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Granddaughter: Did you have fun in Hong Kong?
Grandma: Well, yes, there was a lot of Asian food.
Grandpa: And the people were all shorter than you!
Granddaughter: Really…
–Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia
Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
Dude: Hey, where do you girls go for fun? [They ignore him.] You’re just gonna ignore me? Not a ‘Fuck you’? Nothing? Bitch!
Chick: You kiss your dick with that mouth?
–Montego Bay, Jamaica
20-something woman #1: She was bitching about how there was nothing to eat in the house, and so Bob* said, “you could go to the store,” and she said, “I don't go to the store on my vacation. There are two things I don't do on vacation: go to the store and cook.”
20-something woman #2: What is she even on vacation from? Sitting on her ass?
–Holden Beach, North Carolina