Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it. –Ocean Beach, California
Old black lady finishes pooping and flushes: Oh, thank you, Jesus! [Hums gospel tune.] –Miami Beach, Florida Overheard by: Lauren
Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?! –Oval Beach, Michigan Overheard by: Steph
Male beach-goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach-goer #2: You didn’t.
Male beach-goer #1: Isn’t the poop in this bag?
Male beach-goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you’re carrying the poop.
Male beach-goer #1: Oh my God! No one’s ever said that to me before. –Island Beach State Park, New Jersey Overheard by: Poopfactory
Bald man to baby on blanket (in baby voice): Do you have somethin' to say? Are you thinkin'? Are you thinkin'? Yes you are.
Woman next to him: He's pooping.
Bald man: Are you poopin'? Are you poopin'? Yes you are! –Sunset Beach, North Carolina Overheard by: Emma
Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while! –Salem, Massachusetts Overheard by: Laura Wilson
Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I've been drinking all day, but you're the one that doesn't got their shit together! –Huntington Beach, California
10-year-old boy to younger brother: All mother nature gave you is a bag of shit. –North Padre, Texas
Hot dad: No, it's because I prefer other foods.
Small boy clinging to his back: Like people poopy? –Vancouver Sea Walk, Canada Overheard by: Rosie
Dude #1: So, apparently he died from consumption.
Dude #2: Oh, man, I would hate to die from constipation… I think I almost did, once.
Dude #3: Is that what happens when you get tuberculosis? –Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts Overheard by: Juan Dude