College chick eating chocolate rice pudding: It kinda looks like poop, but it’s so yummy!
Drunk girl: Don’t eat poop. It’s not good for you.
–Majesty of the Seas cruise ship
Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category
Your Editors Refuse to Go to Taco Bell Ever Again
Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled “I’m going to poop on your chest, you’ll see!”
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Captain K
…Is the Title Of My New Documentary.
Guy at table full of intently listening people: Imagine 50 pounds of animal defecating inside your house! That’s a lot of shit!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Do You Expect Me to Take This Shit From You?
Male beach-goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach-goer #2: You didn’t.
Male beach-goer #1: Isn’t the poop in this bag?
Male beach-goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you’re carrying the poop.
Male beach-goer #1: Oh my God! No one’s ever said that to me before.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Poopfactory
One Of Prozac’s Unfortunate Side Effects
Girl on the beach: The sand is burning my feet, and I love it!
Friend: There’s bird crap on my beach chair, and I love it!
–Sanibel Island, Florida
Bottom Line, Don’t Go Barefoot at the Beach
Hobo to lifeguard: Yeah, I pooped here. Twice, actually. Once right there, and once right there.
–Pacifica, California
Mom Rates Them on the Same Scale As Figure-Skating
Lady in vehicle on cell: I mean, she wants to know everything, and it’s really getting annoying, I’m like “mom, Jesus Christ, hey, I took a shit today, you want to know if it floated or if it sank?”
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Elise
Like, for Instance, Why They Call Me “Wolf Breath”
Man outside single bathroom door: Wolf breath, what are you doing in there?
Woman, from inside bathroom: What the fuck do you think I’m doing in here? What the fuck do you do in the bathroom?
Man outside bathroom: Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli
Nothing Worse Than a Black Forest Caca
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
But Why Is It Purple?
Girl #1: Look at that guy!
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: The one with the white thong!
Girl #2: [80-year-old guy bends over to pick up shell.] Look! The thong’s not white there!
Girl #1: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
–Daytona Beach, Florida
