Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
Girl #1: Look at that guy!
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: The one with the white thong!
Girl #2: [80-year-old guy bends over to pick up shell.] Look! The thong’s not white there!
Girl #1: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
–Daytona Beach, Florida
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin’ staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He’s giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.
–Ocean Beach, California
Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?
–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey
Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!
–Oval Beach, Michigan
Overheard by: Steph
Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.
–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey
Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.
–East Hampton, New York
Overheard by: I’ll never swim again
Girl in bathroom stall: Eww, the pee on this seat is so bad I can’t even wipe it up!
Friend: So don’t sit on it.
Girl: I know, but I kinda wanted to poop…gotta do the lean, and it’s gonna splash. Oh, wait, hmmmm… It’s not there after all! It was a ghost poop.
–Rocks Off Concert Cruise, New York
College chick eating chocolate rice pudding: It kinda looks like poop, but it’s so yummy!
Drunk girl: Don’t eat poop. It’s not good for you.
–Majesty of the Seas cruise ship
Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled “I’m going to poop on your chest, you’ll see!”
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Captain K
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist