Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!
–Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura Wilson
Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category
No More McDonald's for You, Pal
Hot dad: No, it's because I prefer other foods.
Small boy clinging to his back: Like people poopy?
–Vancouver Sea Walk, Canada
Overheard by: Rosie
So, This Is Hell?
Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I’ve got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Mom Rates Them on the Same Scale As Figure-Skating
Lady in vehicle on cell: I mean, she wants to know everything, and it's really getting annoying, I'm like “mom, Jesus Christ, hey, I took a shit today, you want to know if it floated or if it sank?”
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Elise
Do You Expect Me to Take This Shit From You?
Male beach-goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach-goer #2: You didn’t.
Male beach-goer #1: Isn’t the poop in this bag?
Male beach-goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you’re carrying the poop.
Male beach-goer #1: Oh my God! No one’s ever said that to me before.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Poopfactory
At the Stupid Human Tricks Semifinals
Man to family: You should have seen her! She was pooping sandcastles!
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Overheard by: Chris
I Keep All Mine in My Pants
Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I've been drinking all day, but you're the one that doesn't got their shit together!
–Huntington Beach, California
And Lived Happily Ever After
20-something college guy: So he was getting the anal beads pulled out, coming at the same time, and he shat all over this girl’s couch.
20-something college girl: Well then what did he do?
20-something college guy: I dunno, he probably wiped his ass and left…
–Casino Beach, Pensacola, Florida
…Then It's Not Real Fast Food.
Teen girl on cell: It doesn't have feces in it?
–Malibu, California
Bottom Line, Don't Go Barefoot at the Beach
Hobo to lifeguard: Yeah, I pooped here. Twice, actually. Once right there, and once right there.
–Pacifica, California