Man to wife and daughter: Hey! I’ve shat my pants before and it really wasn’t that bad, so I’d be willing to do it again.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category
And Lived Happily Ever After
20-something college guy: So he was getting the anal beads pulled out, coming at the same time, and he shat all over this girl’s couch.
20-something college girl: Well then what did he do?
20-something college guy: I dunno, he probably wiped his ass and left…
–Casino Beach, Pensacola, Florida
AKA ‘Potato Lung’
Dude #1: So, apparently he died from consumption.
Dude #2: Oh, man, I would hate to die from constipation… I think I almost did, once.
Dude #3: Is that what happens when you get tuberculosis?
–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Juan Dude
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves
Old black lady finishes pooping and flushes: Oh, thank you, Jesus! [Hums gospel tune.]
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Lauren
Nothing Worse Than a Black Forest Caca
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
But Why Is It Purple?
Girl #1: Look at that guy!
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: The one with the white thong!
Girl #2: [80-year-old guy bends over to pick up shell.] Look! The thong’s not white there!
Girl #1: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
–Daytona Beach, Florida
You Can’t Take Clint Eastwood Anywhere.
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin’ staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He’s giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.
–Ocean Beach, California
It Was a Question on My Preschool Entrance Exam
Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?
–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey
What Would Your Social Life Be Without It?
Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!
–Oval Beach, Michigan
Overheard by: Steph
Girls Have Always Put up with a Lot of Shit from Boys
Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.
–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey
