Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category

Nothing Worse Than a Black Forest Caca

Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: Jen

But Why Is It Purple?

Girl #1: Look at that guy!
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: The one with the white thong!
Girl #2: [80-year-old guy bends over to pick up shell.] Look! The thong’s not white there!
Girl #1: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

–Daytona Beach, Florida

You Can’t Take Clint Eastwood Anywhere.

Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin’ staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He’s giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.

–Ocean Beach, California

It Was a Question on My Preschool Entrance Exam

Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?

–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey

What Would Your Social Life Be Without It?

Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!

–Oval Beach, Michigan

Overheard by: Steph

Girls Have Always Put up with a Lot of Shit from Boys

Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.

–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey

Submitter Needs to Get Over Himself

Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.

–East Hampton, New York

Overheard by: I’ll never swim again

A Poo-Poo Poltergeist, If You Will

Girl in bathroom stall: Eww, the pee on this seat is so bad I can’t even wipe it up!
Friend: So don’t sit on it.
Girl: I know, but I kinda wanted to poop…gotta do the lean, and it’s gonna splash. Oh, wait, hmmmm… It’s not there after all! It was a ghost poop.

–Rocks Off Concert Cruise, New York