Archive for the ‘Physical Appearance’ Category

Let Him Ride (the Waves) on Me?

Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.

–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: The JAP

So Narcissism…Makes Me Look Fat?

Girl #1: What do you say when people ask about me?
Girl #2: “She's a narcissistic freak.”
Girl #1: What kind of narcissist am I?
Girl #2: (stares blankly)
Girl #1: A pretty oneee.
Girl #2: You want me to lie to you?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Just kidding–you're not not pretty.
Girl #1: What?!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: You're saying I'm not ugly but I'm not pretty.
Girl #2: You're in limbo between pretty and ugly, so being mean to me makes you ugly.

–Kure Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: Bee

Sand Killed My Father

Kid #1: After this, we should sunbathe.
Kid #2: I don't want to sunbathe.
Kid #1: Why?
Kid #2: I just don't.
Kid #1: But then you can get a tan!
Kid #2: I don't want a tan.
Kid #1: Why?
Kid #2: Because it sounds like “sand,” and I hate sand.

–Camping Ground, Kerikeri, New Zealand

Overheard by: Kelly

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