Girl: Instead of “fisting” would elephants do “trunking”?
Guy: Wouldn’t that be redundant? You know, trunk… Penis…
Girl: Yeah, maybe trunking is just elephant oral. (pause) That is a sentence I never thought I would ever say.
–Bar Harbor, Maine
Beach bunny #1: I totally slept with Brandon last night.
Beach bunny #2: How was it?
Beach bunny #1: Awesome. He was so fucking huge he, like, broke my vagina.
Beach bunny #2: Damn. That’s saying a lot.
Beach bunny #1, happily: I know! I’m a total whore!
–Del Mar Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Brandon stole my girlfriend
Chick #1 disappears into bedroom with dude.
Chick #2: Go ahead, bitch, suck his dick. It’s sandy and it tastes like me.
–Beach Haven, New Jersey
Tween boy #1: It is bigger than yours.
Tween boy #2: No, it’s not. Besides, it doesn’t matter. They are only sand castles.
Tween boy #1: I wasn’t talking about that.
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: MangoJoe
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Girl #1: But you were dancing with that guy…
Girl #2: Which guy?
Girl #1: The guy with the hard-on.
Girl #2: Which one?
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen boy: … And you’re so racist.
Teen girl: I’m really not.
Teen boy: It’s okay. I find it sexy.
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Api
Bikini girl #1: Oh my god, he was totally sleeping, and his member was, like, totally awake. Like, hello?!
Bikini girl #2, giggling: Yeah, hello?!
Bikini girl #3, giggling: Hello?!
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Stoned nerd (talking about his sub order): I’ve got six inches!
Stoned girl: Lucky. I got the lesbian choice, a fuckin’ sandwich. Cuz the sandwich is like a vagina and the sub is like a dick, ya know?
Stoned nerd: No, I totally understand. And I’m okay with that.
–Wawa, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Little girl, pointing to man in Speedo: Mom, what’s that?
Mother: That’s his swimsuit.
Little girl: No, what’s in his swimsuit?
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
