Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

… I Got Bet­ter

Beach bun­ny #1: I to­tal­ly slept with Bran­don last night.
Beach bun­ny #2: How was it?
Beach bun­ny #1: Awe­some. He was so fuck­ing huge he, like, broke my vagi­na.
Beach bun­ny #2: Damn. That’s say­ing a lot.
Beach bun­ny #1, hap­pi­ly: I know! I’m a to­tal whore!

–Del Mar Beach, San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Bran­don stole my girl­friend

Is This Thing On?

Biki­ni girl #1: Oh my god, he was to­tal­ly sleep­ing, and his mem­ber was, like, to­tal­ly awake. Like, hel­lo?!
Biki­ni girl #2, gig­gling: Yeah, hel­lo?!
Biki­ni girl #3, gig­gling: Hel­lo?!

–Sea­side Heights, New Jer­sey

Nev­er Met a Sim­i­le Yet I Could­n’t Swal­low

Stoned nerd (talk­ing about his sub or­der): I’ve got six inch­es!
Stoned girl: Lucky. I got the les­bian choice, a fuckin’ sand­wich. Cuz the sand­wich is like a vagi­na and the sub is like a dick, ya know?
Stoned nerd: No, I to­tal­ly un­der­stand. And I’m okay with that.

–Wawa, Re­hoboth Beach, Delaware