Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Girl on cell: Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm in the library. (pause) Yes. (pause) No, I can't talk, I'm studying.
–Blemar Beach, New Jersey
Dude on cell: Falling in love with me and sitting on my face are two completely different things.
–Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Matyis
Girl on phone: I have good news and bad news! The good news is I'm not pregnant. The bad news is I need new jeans!
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: Grossed out but laughing
Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: K
Dude on cell: So, how did that thing with the executioner go?
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Russ
Dude on cell: I don’t think the marriage thing is going to work… Why? Because I’m already married!
–Smith Point, Long Island, New York
Lady on cell: And sushi (points at her chihuahua) stops to look for you, but I tell her you're at work and she laughs.
–Tamarama Beach, Australia
Overheard by: GGary
Unshaven surfer on cell: No, no, no! Do you want me to bring Schnitzel?
–Bondi Beach, Australia
Girl on cell: Hey! I was wondering when you’re picking me up… Oh… Okay… Well, yeah, I’m not as exciting as getting fucked. I’d ditch me too. Okay, call me tomorrow!
–Queen’s Quay, Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: Laura