Girl on phone: Did you go to my car yet? (pause) Shit, I wanted you to grab my deodorant. (pause) You have deodorant? (disgusted pause) I'm not going to use deodorant you just scraped off yourself!
–Coney Island, New York
Archive for the ‘On the phone’ Category
I've Also Decided I'm an Elderly Asian Woman This Week
Guy on cell: Yes, I'm on the beach. I told you, I'm in the Caribbean this week.
–Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: debbie downer
Today's Forecast: Dawn of Self-Awareness Hidden by Clouds of Stupidity
Over-dressed and self-important guy on cell: No, no, it was some sort of implement she was calling us… No… Rubber? A douchebag? I’ve heard that before.
–Pacific Palisades, California
Overheard by: ear of the betafish
David Hasselhoff? Really?
16-year-old on phone: So he tried selling you heroin?
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: That guy
Mom Rates Them on the Same Scale As Figure-Skating
Lady in vehicle on cell: I mean, she wants to know everything, and it's really getting annoying, I'm like “mom, Jesus Christ, hey, I took a shit today, you want to know if it floated or if it sank?”
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Elise
You Mean 'Danger' in Your Vagina… And How Did You Know I Called It That?
Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?
–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York
I Could Replace All Her Music With Christian Rock
Teenage gangsta on cell: Naw man, she's not gonna mess with me. I have her MySpace password. Her MySpace password!
–San Diego, California
The Traffic Lets Up, But Breathing Becomes Difficult
Guy on cell: When the freeway ends, turn left…Yes, the freeway ends….Because the continent ends, dipshit.
–Hermosa Beach, California
Well, Do You Have a Gerbil and a Teeny Tiny Miner's Hat?
Guy on cell, sighing: What are you gonna do, y’know? I mean, besides putting a flashlight in your vagina… Too bad.
–Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: TK
Immigrants: The New El Nino.
Black tween girl to girlfriend on cell: It's mad hot out, you deported Dominican.
–Bergen Beach, New York
Overheard by: its not THAT hot out