Guy on cell: All you have to do is suck one cock and they’ll call you a cocksucker for the rest of your life.
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Harell
Archive for the ‘On the phone’ Category
I've Tried Walking It Off Without Success
Guy on cell: I don't know, it may just be the chlamydia talking, though.
–Destin, Florida
Not Since That Elevator in New York!
Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!
–Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura Wilson
The Marketing Director Advises Santa's Purchasing Elf
Girl on cell: Dude, you could buy a whole bag full of dildos, and he would never know.
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: groovychica
Maybe They'll Shame Me Out Of My Little Hissy Fit
Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.
–Miami Beach, Florida
She's a Walking Tribute to 1980s Madonna
Fake tanned, bleach blonde woman loudly into phone: I mean, have you seen Alice lately? Forget the Brazilian wax, she needs to have the whole South American!
–Manly Beach, Sydney
Overheard by: anotherpassenger
Besides, She's Nine
Girl on phone with guy friend: You know, my sister just got her tits done for her birthday… I don’t want you fucking her.
–Jones Beach, New York
Story Of My Life, Ma'am.
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven't gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
Our Only Option Is Pit-Scissoring
Girl on phone: Did you go to my car yet? (pause) Shit, I wanted you to grab my deodorant. (pause) You have deodorant? (disgusted pause) I'm not going to use deodorant you just scraped off yourself!
–Coney Island, New York
I've Also Decided I'm an Elderly Asian Woman This Week
Guy on cell: Yes, I'm on the beach. I told you, I'm in the Caribbean this week.
–Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: debbie downer