Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Archive for the ‘On the phone’ Category
She's a Walking Tribute to 1980s Madonna
Fake tanned, bleach blonde woman loudly into phone: I mean, have you seen Alice lately? Forget the Brazilian wax, she needs to have the whole South American!
–Manly Beach, Sydney
Overheard by: anotherpassenger
Besides, She's Nine
Girl on phone with guy friend: You know, my sister just got her tits done for her birthday… I don’t want you fucking her.
–Jones Beach, New York
Story Of My Life, Ma'am.
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven't gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
Our Only Option Is Pit-Scissoring
Girl on phone: Did you go to my car yet? (pause) Shit, I wanted you to grab my deodorant. (pause) You have deodorant? (disgusted pause) I'm not going to use deodorant you just scraped off yourself!
–Coney Island, New York
I've Also Decided I'm an Elderly Asian Woman This Week
Guy on cell: Yes, I'm on the beach. I told you, I'm in the Caribbean this week.
–Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: debbie downer
Today's Forecast: Dawn of Self-Awareness Hidden by Clouds of Stupidity
Over-dressed and self-important guy on cell: No, no, it was some sort of implement she was calling us… No… Rubber? A douchebag? I’ve heard that before.
–Pacific Palisades, California
Overheard by: ear of the betafish
David Hasselhoff? Really?
16-year-old on phone: So he tried selling you heroin?
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: That guy
Mom Rates Them on the Same Scale As Figure-Skating
Lady in vehicle on cell: I mean, she wants to know everything, and it's really getting annoying, I'm like “mom, Jesus Christ, hey, I took a shit today, you want to know if it floated or if it sank?”
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Elise
You Mean 'Danger' in Your Vagina… And How Did You Know I Called It That?
Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?
–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York