Dude on cell: Yeah, but dude, what could she have done that was so bad you had to hit her in the face with a bottle?
–Monmouth Beach, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘On the phone’ Category
The Ringside Judges Have Me Ahead on Points
Man on cell: Yeah, Paul* and I aren’t friends anymore. He used my credit card and owes me $4000. Plus, it probably doesn’t help that I’ve been having sex with his mom… repeatedly.
–Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amused Passenger
Well, Do You Have a Gerbil and a Teeny Tiny Miner’s Hat?
Guy on cell, sighing: What are you gonna do, y’know? I mean, besides putting a flashlight in your vagina… Too bad.
–Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: TK
She Ain’t a Lady Either
Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year-Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!
–Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Catherine
This Is Where You Realize That’s What I’ve Always Been
Man on a bike, on cell: Is this where you become an evil bitch?
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ilyse
Yeah, I’ll Hold
Fat guy on cell: I’m not interested. Throw my food at the dog.
–Rhyl, Wales
Overheard by: Jake
Seagulls? Yeah, I’m in Canarsie
Weasel on cell: I’m in Brooklyn now, so it will have to wait until later…
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Local
Story Of My Life, Ma’am.
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven’t gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
And What Exactly Do You Sell Again?
Man, answering phone: Talbot Street Watersports, how may I help you?
Customer: Oh, what street are you on?
Man: Still on Talbot Street.
Customer: Oh, good… I was just checking.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: OC Rocket
I’ve Tried Walking It Off Without Success
Guy on cell: I don’t know, it may just be the chlamydia talking, though.
–Destin, Florida
