Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?
–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Archive for the ‘On the phone’ Category
Today’s Forecast: Dawn of Self-Awareness Hidden by Clouds of Stupidity
Over-dressed and self-important guy on cell: No, no, it was some sort of implement she was calling us… No… Rubber? A douchebag? I’ve heard that before.
–Pacific Palisades, California
Overheard by: ear of the betafish
On Jerry Springer It’s Never Out
Girl on cell: Don’t be worried! Incest is totally in this season.
–Tampa, Florida
Maybe Try the Saran Wrap Off a Sub
Drunk guy in line on cell: I don’t see any rubbers here, so are you okay with “pull & pray?” (pause) You know I’m not gonna pull out, right?
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: I really hope they don’t procreate…
So I’m Tighter with Radiohead Than with You!
Man on cell: We met at a bar and went on one date… You don’t even know me! You haven’t even seen my MySpace page!
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Greg
The Marketing Director Advises Santa’s Purchasing Elf
Girl on cell: Dude, you could buy a whole bag full of dildos, and he would never know.
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: groovychica
Tonight’s Movie: She Cloned Hitler
Dude on cell: Yeah, but dude, what could she have done that was so bad you had to hit her in the face with a bottle?
–Monmouth Beach, New Jersey
The Ringside Judges Have Me Ahead on Points
Man on cell: Yeah, Paul* and I aren’t friends anymore. He used my credit card and owes me $4000. Plus, it probably doesn’t help that I’ve been having sex with his mom… repeatedly.
–Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amused Passenger
Well, Do You Have a Gerbil and a Teeny Tiny Miner’s Hat?
Guy on cell, sighing: What are you gonna do, y’know? I mean, besides putting a flashlight in your vagina… Too bad.
–Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: TK
She Ain’t a Lady Either
Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year-Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!
–Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Catherine
