Teen to promoter throwing Halloween candy: Bitch, gimme somma dem fuckin' dots!
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
You Don't Need Sunblock in There — It's Dark
Girl, wearing lifeguard swimsuit and applying sunblock: Do my hole… NO! My back hole!
–Sacandaga Lake, New York
Overheard by: sherpa
Oh, That's Just Drowning Girls. Now Get In!
Girl #1: Come on, get in the water.
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girl #3: No way! There are sharks!
Girl #1: There aren’t any sharks.
Girl #3: Oh yeah? Then why are there so many bubbles?
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
The Bible Omitted the Serpent's Jet-Ski Pitch
Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It’s paradise!
–Paradise Island, The Bahamas
Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer
And She's Always Blabbing to My Wife
Cute surfer: So, how’s it going? Did you go out with her again?
Really cute surfer: Oh, no, she’s traveling, but I’m waiting for her to come back.
Cute surfer: You’re really into her, right? I thinks she’s hot.
Really cute surfer: Yeah, she’s amazing.
Cute surfer: Have you, like, talked to her about going out again?
Really cute surfer: Yeah, kinda… [Looking away and waving] Hey, dude, stop talking about it. My girlfriend is coming.
Cute surfer: Oh, okay [smiles and waves to girl].
–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: And I thought he was cute
Which Anniversary Is the Coors Anniversary Again?
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won't buy you a beer he ain't gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don't drink beer, you're gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
I Bring Disease, Brutality, and Catholicism Wherever I Go
Trucker: Well, it’s a Mercury Sable, but that really doesn’t matter. It’s essential that you call me El Conquistador.
–Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: Just trying to keep in touch with the rest
And for That Kind of Money We Could Get Laid!
Teen girl: It’s so freakin’ hot out! What are we gonna do?
Teen guy: We could go on the ferris wheel.
Teen girl: Are you kidding? For all five of us it would cost, like, a hundred dollars!
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Rafaela
Won't They Suffocate?
Girl #1: So I remembered to raise my eyebrows in the picture… Hey, want to see? (pulls out driver's license).
Girl #2: I just leave mine in the car.
Girl #1: Your eyebrows?
–Hartford, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Eating icecream at the time
Broceans Before Hoceans, Right?
Frat boy to others: Duuuuuude, let's go in the brocean!
–New Jersey
Overheard by: Jersey Girl