Old hairy guy: Welcome to the Pacific Ocean!
Dumb blonde: Huh? The ocean? I thought you said we were going to the beach!
–Beverly Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: please tell me she’s kidding
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
Here’s Some Chapstik
Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: anna
Which Anniversary Is the Coors Anniversary Again?
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
Hobo Tip #298: Know Your Audience.
Hobo: Come on, people! How about this? Put a penny in my bucket and I’ll go back to Venice and leave you all the fuck alone!
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Zoe
I Thought Your Girlfriend’s Name Was Claire?
Dude #1: Bro, you want a beer?
Dude #2: Nah, I’m not drinking for Ramadan.
–Auckland, New Zealand
At the “That’s What She Said” Quarterfinals
Mid-twenties gal: (shows bottle of sunscreen) Hey, hon, will you cream me?
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: What? Oh, god. You’re sick.
(guy rubs the sunscreen on her back)
Mid-twenties guy: Can you get the rest yourself?
Mid-twenties gal: Yeah, I’ll just finish myself off.
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: Oh, shut-up!
–St. Paul, Minnesota
Oh No, Sorry, those are Just My Kidney Stones
Man #1: Man, I’ve got some sandy nuts. Sannndy nuuuts!
Man #2: Dude, shake it over there. You’re getting your nut-sand all over me.
–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Daryl
Your Editors Have Paid Extra for Titty Gum– True Story
Guy: Hey, do you have any gum?
Annoying girl: Yeah, I do… You can’t have this one, but you can have this kind. (pulls gum out of bra)
Guy: Ew! I don’t want that! It’s titty gum.
Annoying girl: It’s not titty gum.
Brunette girl: You can have some of my gum.
Guy: Is it in your titties?
Brunette girl, looking down shirt. Nope.
Guy: Okay!
–Canadia
…To Go with My Cocoa Butter.
Girl to friend: Can I have some of your penis jelly?
–Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
I Hear Sand’s a Great Exfoliant!
Guy: Would you like something to wipe off with?
Girl: No, I prefer to be covered in sand and cum.
Guy: Great! Same time tomorrow?
–Hollywood, Florida
Overheard by: Miles Highclub
