Girl on cell: Hey! I’m having a barbecue tonight! You should totally come over to my place and drink juice. And by “juice,” I mean sooodaaaa.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
Baywatch Uncensored
Woman: Can I rent a beach chair?
Lifeguard (just off duty on the last day of the season): Fuck you, dumb cunt.
–Panama City Beach, Florida
God Lifeguards Summers So He Can Work on His Tan
Lifeguard on megaphone: Attention, beach-goers, due to the sunset, you must get out in 5 minutes or else we will turn the waves off.
Girl: Oh my God! Is he serious?!
–Huntington Beach, California
She Wandered Into a Foreign Film Festival at the Bijou
Teen girl #1: Have you been going to church lately?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I found a new church I really like.
Teen girl #1: Really?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, it like smells all creepy, and, like, they speak in tongues. It is really scary, so I will probably go to this one!
Teen girl #1: Cool. Maybe I’ll go with you.
–Shilshole Beach, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Why do those people have goatskins on?
He’ll Go Far with Talent Like That
Little boy #1: It’s my turn to use the boogie board! Mom said you have to share!
Little boy #2: Oh yeah? Well, too bad, ’cause I’m not gonna share!
Little boy #1: Oh yeah? Well, I just peed in your wetsuit!
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: RPLB 2000
How the Hell Would I Know That?
Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…
–Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Lilian
Some People Collect Seashells…
Girl to two guys: Do you guys have a spare cigarette?
Guy #1: Yeah, here ya go. (gives her a cigarette)
Girl to guy #2: How about you?
–St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: lorax
A+ Nose-Picking, Though.
Older brother: Okay, okay, run around and grab all the sand and pick it up and throw it on the ground as fast as you can.
(little brother stares cluelessly at older brother)
Older brother: No, you fail!
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joseph Hammerman
The Last Guy Who Had Her Was a Bit Rough
Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She’s not working today.
–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
An Overabundance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing
Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]Long Island husband: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!
Long Island wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks!
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too
