Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category

A+ Nose-Pick­ing, Though.

Old­er broth­er: Okay, okay, run around and grab all the sand and pick it up and throw it on the ground as fast as you can.
(lit­tle broth­er stares clue­less­ly at old­er broth­er)
Old­er broth­er: No, you fail!

–Long Beach Is­land, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Joseph Ham­mer­man

An Over­abun­dance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing

Long Is­land wife: Shawn! Shawn, you id­iot, your son wants to come swim­ming with you!
Long Is­land hus­band: Did you just call me an id­iot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so up­set she starts packing.]Long Is­land hus­band: What are you do­ing? You said you want­ed to go to the beach to­day!
Long Is­land wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fuck­ing sucks!

–West Palm Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: sat near them on the plane go­ing home two days lat­er, too

On the Pro­duc­tion Line at the Catch Phrase Fac­to­ry

Mom: Hey! Tell them the new teenag­er at­ti­tude sound.
Un­cle: Pfft.
Girl #1: Yeah, that’s spelled P‑F-F‑T.
Girl #2: Does­n’t it have, like, an ‘H’ in it or some­thing? Like P‑H-F-F‑T?
Un­cle: You don’t even have to have the ‘T’ in it. You could def­i­nite­ly go with­out the ‘T.’

–In­ver­huron, On­tario, Cana­dia

Over­heard by: sun-fried brain

No, There Has to Be at Least an Hour of Hi­jinks and Dou­ble En­ten­dre First!

For­eign girl: Hel­lo. I just bought this bike. I need a spe­cial in­stru­ment to raise the seat. Can you help me?
Guy #1: We might. Do you need a wrench?
For­eign girl: Oh. I don’t know…[giggles]Guy #2: Where are you from?
For­eign girl: Be­larus.
Guy #1: Why did you de­cide to come to the US?
For­eign girl, ex­cit­ed­ly: I came for work and plea­sure! I work at Sub­way!
Guy #2: This is so stereo­typ­i­cal teen movie.
For­eign girl: Does that mean you can fix my bike?
Guy #1: Do you wan­na come in­side and get drunk with us?

–5 Kings Row, Dewey Beach, Delaware