Girl, wearing lifeguard swimsuit and applying sunblock: Do my hole… NO! My back hole!
–Sacandaga Lake, New York
Overheard by: sherpa
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
Can’t Be Hard to Find in a Bee Cup
Southern blonde to older, female family members: Aaaah, there’s a bee in my titties!
(commotion ensues)
Sketchy guy, loudly: I’ll look for it if you want.
–San Juan Beach, Puerto Rico
A+ Nose-Picking, Though.
Older brother: Okay, okay, run around and grab all the sand and pick it up and throw it on the ground as fast as you can.
(little brother stares cluelessly at older brother)
Older brother: No, you fail!
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joseph Hammerman
Maybe Slip Through a Crack in the Space-Time Continuum
Guy to friend, in thick New York accent: Let’s go on the cyclone and get the fuck outta here!
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Preston
If Gilligan Could Have a Coconut Radio, Anything’s Possible
Chubby man, kicking around the sand: Hey, have you guys seen a set of keys over here?
Asian girl: Um. No. Sorry.
Chubby man: Shit. I must have buried the car keys in the sand on accident. My wife’s gonna kill me.
Asian girl: I haven’t seen any keys, unfortunately.
Chubby man: Hey, do you think the beach has a Lost and Found box anywhere?
–Big Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Responsible Tourist
I’ll Just Throw a Virgin Into the Volcano, Ma’am
Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I’m cold.
–Waikiki, Hawaii
If Gigolos Were Allowed to Telemarket
Man on phone: How about I stick my penis in your vagina?
Woman on the other end of the phone, loudly: How bout…no.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: couldn’t contain
There’s a Pipe Leading Directly from the Urinal to the Water
Girl: Oh my God! This water is really cold, can you turn the heater up?
Lifeguard, returning from locker room: There you go, it should be better now.
Girl: Hey, this really does feel warmer. Thanks, lifeguard!
–Caroga Lake, New York
Overheard by: Marc Wiley
Hmmm. What Are These Euphemisms For?
Guy: Can you pass the ChapStick? Because “lip gloss” has the taint.
–Cambria, California
Overheard by: nadia
It’s the Next Best Thing to Me Sleeping with You
Drunk girl to interviewer with guitar: Are you part of one of the bands?
Interviewer: No, I just interviewed Paramore for my job.
Drunk girl: Oh… Well… Do you want a beer bong, anyway?
–Panama City Beach, Florida
