Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I’ve got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Archive for the ‘North Carolina’ Category
God: Who Are You Kidding? I Get This Stuff at Costco
Girl: It’s so nice out today. I love natural wind.
–Hilton Head Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Lindsay
I Didn't Slap You, I High-Fived Your Face
Dude: I didn’t steal the Bentley. I hijacked it.
Girl: [Slaps him.]
–Oean Isle, North Carolina
I Bring Disease, Brutality, and Catholicism Wherever I Go
Trucker: Well, it’s a Mercury Sable, but that really doesn’t matter. It’s essential that you call me El Conquistador.
–Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: Just trying to keep in touch with the rest
God, I Miss Roseanne
20-something woman #1: She was bitching about how there was nothing to eat in the house, and so Bob* said, “you could go to the store,” and she said, “I don't go to the store on my vacation. There are two things I don't do on vacation: go to the store and cook.”
20-something woman #2: What is she even on vacation from? Sitting on her ass?
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
Wasn't That One Of the Labors Of Hercules?
Woman to friends, as they decide where to set up: Let's look for a part of the beach that isn't so sandy, y'all!
–Kill Devil Hills, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: R U Serious?
Just Like the Earth is Made of Dead Senior Week Guys
Senior week girl: Why can’t we bring beer bottles on the beach?!
Senior week guy: Seriously… Isn’t sand made of glass anyway?
–Ocean Isle Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Kim Beegle
Liv Tyler: As Long As They Don't Find Out I'm Secretly Asian
Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?
–Carolina Beach, North Carolina
Um, Officially I Was "Just Chubby" and My Daughter Is My Little Sister
Beach lady #1: Oh girls, last night I was watching 16 and Pregnant.
Beach lady #2: My daughter watches that. Well, I think it is stupid! That would suck for those girls.
Beach lady #1: How stupid are these kids these days? That's why my daughter uses safe sex.
Beach lady #2: Wait, weren't you pregnant at 16?
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Emily
They Licensed Santa's Technology
Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.
Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.
Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!
–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina