30-ish chick #1: Well, maybe your body is telling you that it’s time to have a baby.
30-ish chick #2: Well, maybe I’ll just tell my body to shut the fuck up.
–Jones Beach, New York
Archive for the ‘New York’ Category
What You Want to Steer Away from Is the Shield Volcano Kind
Tony: So, tell me about them.
Ralph: Her tits?
Tony: Yeah.
Ralph: Okay, you know those kinda tits — the Mount Everest kind?
Tony: Yeah, yeah…
Ralph: And you know those kinda tits — the Mount Whitney kind?
Tony: Uh-huh.
Ralph: They were a cross between those.
Tony: Ohhh. Solid, man, solid.
–The Hamptons, New York
Oh, That’s Just Drowning Girls. Now Get In!
Girl #1: Come on, get in the water.
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girl #3: No way! There are sharks!
Girl #1: There aren’t any sharks.
Girl #3: Oh yeah? Then why are there so many bubbles?
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
You Should’ve Seen Her… Her Tits were Bzzz!
Girl #1: Don’t go skinny dipping here.
Girl #2: Why not? That blind person is the only guy around.
Blind guy: I’m blind, not deaf. Now I can use the sound of your voice to project an image of you naked in my head. [He pauses for a moment.] It’s not pretty.
–Westhampton Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: amanda fox
Travis Decides to Abandon Vanilla
Tiny mullet kid: Spank the hiney! Spank the hiney!
Surfer passerby: Spank the hiney? Awesome!
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
If I’m to Believe Your Hand
Girl: Wait, so I’m cheating on you… with myself?!
Guy: Exactly!
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Mom: This Can of Refuse is Called ‘Pizza,’ Billy. It’s a Special Treat!
Little boy: I like pizza!
Older guy: Me too.
Little boy: I eat pizza in a garbage pail!
–Sun & Surf Beach Club, Atlantic Beach, New York
Overheard by: Kristen
I Wrote It on My Hand at One Point, but It Washed Off!
Airhead girl, trying to pick up boys: Oh, you go to [name of college]. We go to [name of college right next to it]. (thinks) We’re sophomores now, right?
Airhead girl friend: Yeah, I think so.
–Sunset Bay, New York
Overheard by: defsophomore
I Assumed He Was the Nasty Boy Whose Coming Janet Jackson Foretold
Girl #1: It was really awkward with him last night, he kept putting his hand in his back pocket and down the back of his jeans.
Girl #2: Maybe he had an itch on his ass?
Girl #1: It was worse then that: he started rubbing his ass on the bar stool.
–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York
What “Tubthumping’ ” Is About
Guy to son, pouring Hawaiian punch into kids cup: Boy, you gonna be pissin’ tonight!
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sandwich
