Archive for the ‘New Jersey’ Category

And There’s No Roof!

Amazed beachgoer, splashing in the waves: Holy shit! There are fish in the ocean!

–Seaside Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Tess

Well, God Is Pretty Old

Five-year-old as old lady swims by: Grandpa, how much older can a woman get?!

–Harry Wright Lake, Manchester, New Jersey

Overheard by: I Put on More SPF

It Was a Question on My Preschool Entrance Exam

Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?

–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey

You Really Get to Know Someone after Five Years of Marriage

Bimbette: I thought he was a paraplegic, but it turned out he was just lazy.

–Point Pleasant, New Jersey

Overheard by: Patricia

Girls Have Always Put up with a Lot of Shit from Boys

Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.

–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey

If You Had a Really Good Telescope, You Could See Our Backs

Drunk wedding guest: Hey, cool! I wonder what bay that is…
Sober guest: Uh, that’s the Atlantic Ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: Are you sure? It looks too calm to be an ocean.
Sober guest: We’re as far East as you can get in New Jersey. That’s the ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: I think it’s some sort of bay.
Sober guest: There’s no land on the other side! It’s the ocean!

–Sea Bright, New Jersey

Overheard by: I looked at the map

Tonight’s Movie: The Endless Bummer

Mom (to son #1): That’s not all you’re carrying! Take more. (to son #2) Good job, genius, you got sand in the cooler! (to both sons) Say goodbye to the beach, you’ll never see it again.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mikey

Four Being the Tipping Point for Homosexuality

Naked guy #1: My girlfriend thinks it’s weird that you and I come here every weekend.
Naked guy #2: Why? Did you tell her Mike and Rob come too?
Naked guy #1: Nah dude, I don’t want her to think we’re gay.

–Sandy Hook, New Jersey