Drunk mother: So, do… When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight… What the fuck is that kid’s name…?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell…? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You’re holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.
–Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia
Trucker: Well, it’s a Mercury Sable, but that really doesn’t matter. It’s essential that you call me El Conquistador.
–Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: Just trying to keep in touch with the rest
Druggie hipster #1 to friend out of earshot: Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Come here!
Druggie hipster #2: Ugh, what’s her name? Come here! Hey!
Black guy passerby: Hey, white bitch!
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Audra
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, finding Molly sitting quietly: Oh, there you are.
–Lewes Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: maybe next time, take Molly with you
Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
Six-year-old girl (about book on Obama): That's our new President!
Teen: Yeah, do you know what his name is?
Six-year-old girl: Martin Luther King!
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: tori
Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
Gay guy, after boy holds his hand: Ooooh! I finally get a little PDA!
Chick: Ew! TMI! Who's little Petey? Why would you name it that?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
Girl to friend: I'm going to name one of my friends Jew and the other one Hitler, so it would be like Family Feud.
–Tampa, Florida
Blonde teen: You know that woman we saw at Ikea last year, the one that was like, massively, explosively pregnant?
Brunette teen: Yeah?
Blonde teen: Well I've been wondering…
Brunette teen: If she's had her baby yet?
Blonde teen: No, I wonder if she named her baby “Ikea.”
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Jedda