Boy: Mom! I want a wooden penis!
Mom: You have one already.
Boy: Then I want a metal penis!
Dad: Actually, that might come in handy.
–Dolphin Cove, Jamaica
Overheard by: bea arthur
Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category
She's Already Fast-Forwarded the Kid Through Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and God
Young Boy: Mommy Mommy, they have Nemo in that fish tank!
Mom: Honey, Nemo’s dead.
–Antigua, the Caribbean
Overheard by: Ollie
You're Old Enough to Know Heroin Goes in the Eyeball!
Mom to kid: Shooting it up my ass?! Not a good idea!
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Laura L. Davis
"Book Smart," I Should've Said
Woman to another, trying to get support to protect the seals: Yeah, my daughter's friend wants to be a marine biologist. She is so smart.
Daughter's friend, in confused voice: Hey, I got gum on my camera.
–Children's Beach, La Jolla, California
We Were Told This Was a Nude Beach
Pissed off mom to crying sons: You're goddamned right, we're leaving and we're never coming back!
–Rye Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre
Like You Hate the Mailman When Daddy's Away?
Kid: Mom, how come the birds are wrestling each other?
Mom: They hate each other, that’s why.
–Children’s Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I know why the caged bird sings
How the Johnson Family Bankrupted Frito-Lay
Mom: You cut your finger on a Cheetoh?
–Hotel pool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Pretend You Like Each Other
Mom, trying to take a photo: Hug your sister or we're going home.
–Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: John
No More Degrassi for You, Young Lady
Ten-year-old girl to mother, excitedly: I have the right to choose!
–Royal Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Penelope
Hopefully Only Sorrows Will Be Drowned Today.
Mother to five-year-old son: If anything happens get help from a lifeguard. Mommy's gonna be at the bar.
–Blizzard Beach, Disney World, Florida