Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category

Um, That’s Driftwood

Mother to toddler in wetsuit: Look! There’s a naked baby! Do you wanna be naked and play with the naked baby? Let’s go meet the naked baby.

–Lake Beach, Maine

Things Went Fine Until She Saw Some Menacing Seaweed

Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.

–Treasure Island, Florida

Overheard by: Native Floridian

And I Do Mean Everywhere

Middle-aged soccer mom, incredulously: There is sand everywhere! (short pause) Like, no kidding!

–Calafia Beach, San Clemente, California

Overheard by: omg, are you kidding?!

Tonight’s Movie: The Endless Bummer

Mom (to son #1): That’s not all you’re carrying! Take more. (to son #2) Good job, genius, you got sand in the cooler! (to both sons) Say goodbye to the beach, you’ll never see it again.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mikey

Payback’s a Bitch

Saggy-drawered kid: That woman carrying shit on her head.
Mother: Boy, you ain’t in Brooklyn anymore. This place different. And keep your voice down.
Saggy-drawered kid: Hell, she don’t speak English. And what the hell computer boy gonna do, report me to the internet?

–Tela Beach, Honduras

Overheard by: Computer boy, I assume

The Voices in My Head aren’t Real, but They Make More Sense than My Mommy

Woman to six-year-old son repeatedly throughout the day: Get away from me. Go away! I said leave! I don’t want you here… Come back here where I can see you.

–Goddard State Park, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Claudia

Hey, Your Son Asked

Soccer mom to friend: Masturbation… Ejaculation… All the stuff.

–Drift Inn Beach, Port Clyde, Maine

Overheard by: Sara

She Ain’t a Lady Either

Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year-Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!

–Howell, Michigan

Overheard by: Catherine