Mom to toddler: Do not take your bathing suit off! You can’t walk around naked! We’re not French!
–Ocean Beach, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category
According to My Big Book Of Ways to Make Kids Cry
Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you’re in the water, you’re gonna die!
–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
While She Slept, the Bush Fairy Shaved It Into a Heart Shape
Daughter: You’re sticking out, mom.
Mother: What’s sticking out?
Daughter: Your pubic hair.
Mother: Is it gray?
Daughter: Um, no, not really.
Mother: I’m gonna take a nap.
–Destin, Florida
Overheard by: Hard not to laugh out loud
She Has No Idea How Awkward Her First Sexual Experience Is Going to Be
Teen girl: I can’t believe I’m drunk! I’m drunk! In Italy! I am 17 and drunk. Oh yeah, and I’m with my parents! The first time I’m drunk, in a foreign country, under 21, with you people, and I’m in Italy?
Teen girl’s mother: It is better this way. At least you are with people who care.
–Nova Siri, Italy
Overheard by: only other american in the place
Don’t Wish Your Life Away. Let Me Do It.
Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
How to Come Out to Your Mom: A Teenager’s Guide
Teenage son: Mom, did dad ever kiss me? Like when I was little?
Mom: Your dad kissed you.
Teenage son: Yeah, but did he ever kiss me on the lips?
Mom: I’m not sure what you’re asking.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: Ann
How Jewish Mothers Coddle Their Sons into Gibbering, Bedwetting, Compulsive Masturbators
Mother, dressing son: Wow, your hair dried gorgeously! You’re such a Jew.
–Cape Henlopen, Delaware
Overheard by: KDP
Which Explains Why You Saw Me Debriefing One in the Shower
Woman, to young son: No, honey, mommy has two attorneys.
–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Lotte
Anywhere But South Beach, Honey
Kid: Mom, where are we going?
Mom: Just walk straight!
Kid: Where’s straight?!
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
Overheard by: Gwast
Where Would Human Civilization Be Without That Phrase?
Mom to young child eating a Popsicle: Stop putting that in your mouth! It’s done, there’s nothing left.
Young woman nearby: That’s what he said.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tara
