Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy’s tummy.
–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category
It’s French for “Goes Directly to Your Thighs”
Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can’t have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?
–Huntington Beach, California
Too Soon, Mom
Three-year-old girl, swaying her hips: Mommy, do I look like a teenager?
–Fire Island, New York
… And Because You Knocked Up Our Mom in the First Place
Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six-year-old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn’t leave us alone.
–Bridgetown, Barbados
According to My Big Book Of Ways to Make Kids Cry
Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you’re in the water, you’re gonna die!
–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
You Promised You’d Take Me to Harlem
Mother, holding one son in the ocean and calling another on shore: See? The water’s fantastic. You have nothing to worry about.
Four-year-old son, crying: I don’t want to die here!
–Palm Beach, Aruba
Are You Coming On to Me?
Daughter, to mom: So how do you know when to just lay there and when to beat them off?
–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
That’s a Goldfish Cracker, Sweetie
Delighted five-year-old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five-year-old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five-year-old: No! He’s dead!
–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island
That’s When Atlantic City Empties Its Septic Tanks
Little girl: Mom, the water is cold.
Mom: Well, honey, it’s only August. When we come back in September, the water will be much much warmer.
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Amazing Anything Can Live on the New Jersey Coast
Guido mom to small boy holding a horseshoe crab: Eww! What is that?
Random Guido: Is it a stingray?
Guido mom: Do stingrays even live in the ocean?
–Belmar, New Jersey
