Tween girls: Mami, Mami, we saw shit floating in the water!
Mother: God, the sea is so big, just play somewhere else.
–Ibiza, Spain
Overheard by: thorsten
Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category
Just Look at New Orleans
Mom: Don’t hurt that butterfly!
Son: Why?
Mom: Because if you’re mean to nature, nature will be mean to you.
Son: Oh.
–Markin Glen County Park, Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: julie
I’m Guessing The Sopranos
Little girl: I’m gonna… I’m gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don’t know…
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! … Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: kafrin
Um, That’s Driftwood
Mother to toddler in wetsuit: Look! There’s a naked baby! Do you wanna be naked and play with the naked baby? Let’s go meet the naked baby.
–Lake Beach, Maine
Things Went Fine Until She Saw Some Menacing Seaweed
Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.
–Treasure Island, Florida
Overheard by: Native Floridian
And I Do Mean Everywhere
Middle-aged soccer mom, incredulously: There is sand everywhere! (short pause) Like, no kidding!
–Calafia Beach, San Clemente, California
Overheard by: omg, are you kidding?!
Tonight’s Movie: The Endless Bummer
Mom (to son #1): That’s not all you’re carrying! Take more. (to son #2) Good job, genius, you got sand in the cooler! (to both sons) Say goodbye to the beach, you’ll never see it again.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mikey
Payback’s a Bitch
Saggy-drawered kid: That woman carrying shit on her head.
Mother: Boy, you ain’t in Brooklyn anymore. This place different. And keep your voice down.
Saggy-drawered kid: Hell, she don’t speak English. And what the hell computer boy gonna do, report me to the internet?
–Tela Beach, Honduras
Overheard by: Computer boy, I assume
The Voices in My Head aren’t Real, but They Make More Sense than My Mommy
Woman to six-year-old son repeatedly throughout the day: Get away from me. Go away! I said leave! I don’t want you here… Come back here where I can see you.
–Goddard State Park, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Claudia
Hey, Your Son Asked
Soccer mom to friend: Masturbation… Ejaculation… All the stuff.
–Drift Inn Beach, Port Clyde, Maine
Overheard by: Sara
