Blonde: Wait, do Jewish people burn or tan?
Meathead: Well, some are pasty and some are really dark.
Blonde: Yeah, ’cause, like, she’s Jewish and she gets a tan. I came into work the other day and my hair was curly, and everyone was like, ‘Whoa!’ But then I told them I’m half-Jewish, so they understood.
–Manchester by the Sea, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i burn and i’m not
Jock: Don’t diabetics have to check their pH level?
–Long Beach, New York
Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It’s never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They’ve got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I’m gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don’t know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you’re gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: American Goods
Teen meathead #1: What are you?
Teen meathead #2: 100% Italian.
Teen meathead #1: Oh, really? That’s mad cool.
Teen meathead #2: Yeah, but my brother is all different things – he’s like Jewish and Irish and stuff.
–Lido Beach West, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: ally
Big jock: We just need to give America back to the Muslims.
–Barceloneta Beach, Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: Confesed Passerby
Beefy guy to group of beefy friends: Pomegranate and Red Bull? That’s heaven in a cup!
–South Beach, Miami
Wrestler #1: The other day I went in the water, and I forgot my cell phone was in my pocket. It doesn’t work anymore.
Wrestler #2: Was it on?
Wrestler #1: Yes.
Wrestler #2: Well, you should have turned it off before you went in!
–The Black Sea
Buff guy, after ordering an extra “floater” shot on top of his strawberry daiquiri: Is ordering that gay?
Friend: Not any gayer than drinking a daiquiri.
–Newport Beach, Newport, Rhode Island
Overheard by: ThoseGuys
Meathead: I’m sick of drama, and I’m sick of people coming down and crashing at my beach house. It’s so annoying when people just use my stuff. Can I have some of your water?
–Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Meathead #1: I was so wasted last night.
Meathead #2: Yeah?
Meathead #1: My girlfriend showed me pictures of me making out with a dude.
Meathead #2: Yeah, I think that was me.
–Revere Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tom
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
