Meathead: Dude! Your trunks, they’re too short.
Hot dude wearing 80s trunks: Dude! This is America, I can wear whatever I want.
Meathead: This is not America. This is New Jersey!
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Meatheads’ Category
Yes, It’s Important That They Be Well Educated
Jock: Don’t diabetics have to check their pH level?
–Long Beach, New York
I’d Never Forgive Myself If They Dented a Lexus
Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
–St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Must Be Cracker Mating Season
Dumb meatheads to dumb girls: So we’ve got triscuits and flavor-blasted goldfish back at our condo if you want to come with us.
–Siesta Beach, Florida
A Cell Phone Is Like a Woman: If It’s Not Turned On, It Stays Dry
Wrestler #1: The other day I went in the water, and I forgot my cell phone was in my pocket. It doesn’t work anymore.
Wrestler #2: Was it on?
Wrestler #1: Yes.
Wrestler #2: Well, you should have turned it off before you went in!
–The Black Sea
I Serve It at All My Tea Parties
Beefy guy to group of beefy friends: Pomegranate and Red Bull? That’s heaven in a cup!
–South Beach, Miami
Which Was Good, because I Didn’t
Blonde: Wait, do Jewish people burn or tan?
Meathead: Well, some are pasty and some are really dark.
Blonde: Yeah, ’cause, like, she’s Jewish and she gets a tan. I came into work the other day and my hair was curly, and everyone was like, ‘Whoa!’ But then I told them I’m half-Jewish, so they understood.
–Manchester by the Sea, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i burn and i’m not
We Could Call Ourselves ‘The Circle Jerks’ — Unless that’s Taken
Shirtless meathead #1: This is awesome. We should start a shirts-off club.
Shirtless meathead #2: Yeah. We could call it ‘Shirtless in Seattle.‘
Shirtless meathead #3: But we don’t live in Seattle.
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Where Does Being a Member of an Obsolete Sub-Culture Rank?
Jock #1: So I heard about this champion high school wrestler on Real Sports who has no legs.
Jock #2: That’s awesome. Good for him. I never won a championship in high school.
Punk, walking by: You know what’s better then being a state championship wrestler with no legs?
Both jocks: What?
Punk: Having legs!
–Pearl Street, Beach Haven, New Jersey
Overheard by: andrew dean
Wore the Old One Out
Knife-scarred muscle man: Naw, man, that’s it — I’m done. I’m just gonna go home and play checkers and hopefully win. If not, I’m gonna play Scrabble and cheat! I just bought a new thesaurus.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: donovan
