Girl #1: Yeah, and then I threw a book and it hit her in the throat. I was like, “hi-ya!”
Girl #2: Oh, why didn't you text me afterwards?
Girl #1: I was busy because then I threw one at her stomach. “Hi-ya!” Times four!
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Massachusetts’ Category
Gidget Goes Commutative
Chick: Fifteen hundred isn’t a lot. That’s like a thousand… and five hundred.
–Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Alexis
Why Most Americans Stay away from the Voting Booth
Young woman: I am so not doing that again. One, it’s gross, and two, my legs are killing me.
–Chatham Light Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Antonia
If the Rest of It Exhibits the Same Level of Creativity, Then No
Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
Wait, Where Are the Kids?
Tourist lady #1: Do you think the melon is any good? Should I give it to the kids?
Tourist man: Why? What’s wrong with it?
Tourist lady #1: It was on the counter earlier for an hour or so.
Tourist lady #2: Oh, no, I’d ask someone else.
Tourist lady #1, loudly, to others in group: Do you think the melon is any good? I’m not sure I should give it to the kids.
Group members: Why? I don’t know if you should! Do the kids like melon? Was it warm when it was out?
Male stranger in line: Are you retahded?! Just give them the fuckin’ melon!
–Crane Beach, Ipswich, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Buhaj
I Must Now Take 300 Digital Photographs
Tourist woman, looking at bushes of rose hips: Oh! Look at all the baby tomatoes!
–Horseneck Beach, Massachusetts
… Hello? … Hello?
Dude on cell: So, how did that thing with the executioner go?
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Russ
Cousin Ethel Flunked Math Consistently
Girl #1: What did you do to get community service?
Girl #2: My cousin set me up with this guy. She said “he's cute, he 18.” He was 15.
–Nahant, Massachusetts
No, Honey, When Daddy Said He Had Immunity, It Was Because He Testified
Little girl: I’m Italian, so I don’t get sick.
–Mashpee, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jill
What About the Facial You Can Just Wipe Off?
Tan chick: But if we go to the spa, I don’t want them to facial my tan away!
–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hb