Loud high school girl: I was walking down the beach and I saw this girl with the fattest vagina! It was like balls!
–Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Massachusetts’ Category
I Hoped Your Father Would Tell You About This
Child: Mommy, do the fish come from the ocean or the country club?
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Pirates 2 Panned by Critics; Deemed Too ‘Brainy,’ ‘Referential’
20-Something girl #1: Yeah, I fell asleep. It was a stupid movie! And that guy with the squid on his face, who was he, Medusa?
20-Something girl #2: You mean Davy Jones?
20-Something girl #1: Yeah. And I was like, what about The Monkees?
20-Something girl #2: There weren’t any monkeys.
20-Something girl #1: You’re too young to remember the Sixties. Davy Jones was in the Monkees.
20-Something girl #2: Um, Davy Jones the pirate came first. Haven’t you ever heard of Davy Jones’s locker?
20-Something girl #1: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
–Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
In My Day We Called It “Getting In Trouble”
Teen girl with hands on stomach: Why do skinny girls get the bloat?
Mom: Is that what you call it?
–Nauset Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Blanket Once Removed
The Only Acceptable Place for a Jonas Brothers Poster
Trailer trash girl: Daddy, should I put this in the toilet or hang it on the wall?
Dad: In the toilet, of course!
–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
Not Since That Elevator in New York!
Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!
–Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura Wilson
Wait, Where Are the Kids?
Tourist lady #1: Do you think the melon is any good? Should I give it to the kids?
Tourist man: Why? What’s wrong with it?
Tourist lady #1: It was on the counter earlier for an hour or so.
Tourist lady #2: Oh, no, I’d ask someone else.
Tourist lady #1, loudly, to others in group: Do you think the melon is any good? I’m not sure I should give it to the kids.
Group members: Why? I don’t know if you should! Do the kids like melon? Was it warm when it was out?
Male stranger in line: Are you retahded?! Just give them the fuckin’ melon!
–Crane Beach, Ipswich, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Buhaj
If You Turn Out to Be Gay
Little boy: I can’t believe we went under. I still have that taste in my mouth!
Dad: Get used to it. You’ll be tasting that your whole life.
–Horseneck Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kp & Cd
Point Taken.
Woman to girl: These girls are acting like such dogs!
Girl to woman: Well then, meeeeeaoww, bitch!
–Revere Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sheena Quintyne
Ooo, Ashes Of Dead Mouseketeers. Luxurious!
Idiot dad: You know they import all this sand from Florida, that’s why it’s so soft.
Idiot son: Yeah, I’ve heard that too.
–Newcomb Hollow Beach, Wellfleet, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Alana Geary
