Grandmother to two small children near cliff: Only one of you at a time, I don't want to be responsible for two small children falling off the cliff.
–Fort Williams Park, Maine
Archive for the ‘Maine’ Category
New Hampshire: The New Jersey of New England
Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.
–Wells Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Vee-licious
First They Blow You Up, Then They Patch You Up
Teen: What’s Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it’s hard to explain. They’re a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they’re also a humanitarian social services organization. They’re sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Winter In Maine Is …Less Than Exciting
Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…
–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
Solomon Islands Tourist: Where Did All This Water Come From?
Tourist, about the tide: Where does all the water go?
–Ogunquit Beach, Ogunquit, Maine
Overheard by: C’mon
Hey, Your Son Asked
Soccer mom to friend: Masturbation… Ejaculation… All the stuff.
–Drift Inn Beach, Port Clyde, Maine
Overheard by: Sara
How Do You Know that isn't Ted Kennedy?
Woman: Is that where George Bush lives?
Man: No, you can’t see it from here.
Woman: I bet you could see it with binoculars or something.
Man: Doubt it.
Woman: Why do you always shut me down when I have an opinion? I’m entitled to it! How do you know you couldn’t see George Bush’s house from here?
Man: There’s an island in the way.
–Kennebunk Beach, Maine
Jesus, Bitsy!
Preppy 60-something #1: Now you only owe me 10,463 martinis.
Preppy 60-something #2: Yep, she owes me a bunch, too.
–Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
This Was No Boating Accident!
Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm… Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?
–Echo Lake, Maine
Two Years Later, He was the Toast of the Whitney Biennial
Tourist: Are you a lifeguard?
Lifeguard: No, I just bring this 12-foot wooden lifeguard stand with me wherever I go.
–Kennebunk, Maine
Overheard by: Mike