Girl: Instead of “fisting” would elephants do “trunking”?
Guy: Wouldn't that be redundant? You know, trunk… Penis…
Girl: Yeah, maybe trunking is just elephant oral. (pause) That is a sentence I never thought I would ever say.
–Bar Harbor, Maine
Archive for the ‘Maine’ Category
It Was at Once Zesty and Explosive!
Older guy: We had dinner there earlier in the week. I got food poisoning.
Young kayaking guide: Really? Was it good?
–York Beach, Maine
Talk About False Advertising
Bikini girl to older man: Yeah, he dumped her because she didn't put out. I mean, you're a high school guy, are you really going to stay with a girl who doesn't put out? Also, she kinda had a mustache.
–Morgan Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Kim
Wow, Am I Lost
Girl: Excuse me, what lake is this?
Street vendor: The Atlantic one.
–Portland, Maine
She Thinks the War in Iraq Is Just Darling
Woman #1: Oh my goodness, you should see your daughter! It looks like she’s been stabbed; it’s the cutest thing.
Woman #2: Oh, really?
Woman #1: Yes! She’s been eating cherries, and the juice has run all down her front and all over her hands. It looks like she has blood all over her–it’s adorable!
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: shawshank
So, You're from Europe? Do You Know John?
Guy on crowded boardwalk: Hey, you! You, over there! Hey, you in the bathing suit, I’m talking to you!
–Orchard Beach, Maine
Grandma's Still on Probation
Grandmother to two small children near cliff: Only one of you at a time, I don't want to be responsible for two small children falling off the cliff.
–Fort Williams Park, Maine
New Hampshire: The New Jersey of New England
Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.
–Wells Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Vee-licious
First They Blow You Up, Then They Patch You Up
Teen: What’s Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it’s hard to explain. They’re a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they’re also a humanitarian social services organization. They’re sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Winter In Maine Is …Less Than Exciting
Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…
–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals