Wife to husband: Baby, don’t get out in the water! Those kids will be hanging on you like remoras!
–Grand Isle, Louisiana
Archive for the ‘Ladies’ Category
Doctors Surgically Removed Her Husband
Woman: It wasn’t a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.
–Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Andrea
In Much the Same Way That the Atmosphere Goes All the Way Through Your Head
Woman: So the water goes all the way around the island?
–Vancouver Island, British Columbia
Overheard by: Molly
New Hampshire: The New Jersey of New England
Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.
–Wells Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Vee-licious
Story Of My Life, Ma’am.
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven’t gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
Will I Be Able To Remember You Afterwards?
Guy: Hey, beautiful ladies! My name is Sean. I run a company that increases the number of hits your website gets on search engines. I’m sure I could help you in your line of work What do you do?
Woman: I’m a neurosurgeon.
Guy: Hey, it’s good to see that even a brain surgeon has time to head out to the beach. Let me show you how my company can help you get more business.
Woman: I’m sure it can’t.
Guy: Well then, how ’bout I just give you my number?
Woman: How about I just give you a lobotomy?
–Nahant Beach, Massachusetts
At Least She Went Top-Shelf
Redneck lady coming out of a liquor store: She must have been drunk when she named her kid “Jose Cuervo”.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Ugly Women Have to Strategize. It’s a Fact of Life
Three women are standing outside of a bar.
Woman #1: Let’s go to Fred’s. It’s darker in there.
Women #2 and #3 nod in agreement, and they walk to Fred’s.
–Avalon, Jersey Shore
Then She Turned Back, Apologized, and Educated the Girls About ‘Show-ers and Grow-ers’
College girl #1: Oh my God! Look at his bulge!
College girl #2: He must have a huge dick.
Random lady: Sluts!
–Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: tanned tourist
I Am Parko, Almighty Parking Deity. Give Me Your Worldly Goods or Roam the Melting Streets Forever!
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
