You Know How That Is, Mom.

Ten year old boy, flipping over on towel: Man, I'm sweating like a fat chick!

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre

But My Heart Remains Open, Dear Friend

Nine-year-old boy #1 (yelling): My penis! My penis just closed!
(pause)
Nine-year-old boy #2 (yelling): Cool!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Chandler Smith

Yet Another Dream that'll Be Made Possible by the Childhood Obesity Epidemic

Little boy staring at girl in bikini: But why can’t I have boobies, Mom?! I want them!

–Jersey Shore

Nevermind. How Do You Keep a Turkey in Suspense?

Boy: Hey, Dad, are monkeys fast?
Dad: I guess compared to humans, yes.
Boy: Are cheetahs fast?
Dad: Yes, they are the fastest.
Boy: Are lions fast?
Dad: Yes, very.
Boy: Are bamboozles fast?
Dad: What?

–Trunk Bay, St. John, US Virgin Islands

Overheard by: Sonia

At 40, after Three Failed In-Vitros, Kassidy Was to Remember This Conversation

Little girl: Are you a mom? You look like a mom.
College student: No. How old do you think I am?
Little girl: Fifteen?

–Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: MBD

Then That Toast You Made Me for Breakfast Was All Lies?

Mom to toddler: Do not take your bathing suit off! You can't walk around naked! We're not French!

–Ocean Beach, New Jersey

In the Same Way That Televangelists Heal

Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.

–Miami, Florida

Because She's Already Too Smart For Cornell

Dad: What grows in the marsh, baby?
Little girl: Marshmallows?
Dad, to mom: You want her to go to what college?

–Tybee Island, Georgia

Overheard by: Sullivan

Great White Ones!

Little black kid: Why can't we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain't no pool, nigga, it's got sharks in it!

–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York

What Happens When New York Kids Are Exposed to Direct Sunlight

Mom, pushing crying three-year-old: You cannot cry here! Wait till we get back to New York, where it s snowing, to cry!

–Isla Verde, San Juan, Puerto Rico

Overheard by: i wanna cry too!