Young boy excitedly walking out of the ocean with father: Mom! It’s still so early in the morning and I already almost drowned!
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: jt
Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category
You Can Call It “Baby Weight” Until the Baby Leaves for College
Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy’s tummy.
–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Sharks: Mmmm, Pulled Long Pork!
Kid: Wouldn’t it suck if you had a boogie board with razor blades on it? It’d be like weeeee-aahhhhhhhh!
–Santa Monica, California
Every Family Has Its Secret Shame
Seven-year-old, loudly: What do you mean nana doesn’t vote Democrat?!
–Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: The RJP
Don’t Forget to Ask Dad If He Wants a Turn Riding It
Little girl #1: Britney*, what are you doing?
Little girl #2: Building sand boobies.
Little girl #1: You know, you can turn the boobies into testicles and we can make a giant sand penis.
Little girl #2: Okay, cool.
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: Lori Lou Who
Too Soon, Mom
Three-year-old girl, swaying her hips: Mommy, do I look like a teenager?
–Fire Island, New York
No, Sweetie. Daddy Got His in a Cheap Motel Room
Small child to mother as they watch hermit crabs: Mommy, are these the same kind of crabs Daddy brought home before we left?
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: Rick
It’s All Gone Downhill Since the Tooth Fairy Started Subcontracting
Lifeguard: What happened to your toenail?
Little boy: A monster carried it off a while ago. Around kindergarten, I think.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Super Sexy Woman
That’s a Goldfish Cracker, Sweetie
Delighted five-year-old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five-year-old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five-year-old: No! He’s dead!
–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island
Seventeen is Impressive, Yet Believable. 20 is Just Silly
Boy #1: Are you gonna use your real age or your fake age?
Boy #2: I’m gonna say I’m 20.
Boy #1: Fuck that! I’m saying 17.
Boy #3: I’m so wasted I can hardly ride my bike.
–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Beach Comber
