Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

'80s: Seriously, Though

Chubby twink: The ’80s called, they want their lipstick back.
Chick in black with bright red lipstick: Your boyfriend called, he thinks you’re fat.

Chubby twink runs off crying, chick in black lights a smoke.

–Witty’s Lagoon, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: sleepless

Still Doesn't Explain Ted Kennedy, Though

Girl #1: Things happen for a reason, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah… It's probably good that I'm not rich. If I were rich, I'd be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I'd still love you, but you'd be a total bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh… I can just hear me now: (total val voice) I'm going shopping! (normal voice) Ugh… My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that's why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah… He knew we'd be terrible people.

–Nathan's, Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Wondering if I sound like this to other people

Mom's Backup Plan was to Pretend to Drown

Girl: Am I going to have big boobs?
Flat-chested mom: Um, probably not.
Girl: But boys like big boobs!
Flat-chested mom: Only dumb boys do, because only dumb girls have big boobs.
Girl, after thinking for a minute: Grandma has huge ones.
Flat-chested mom: Oooh, look at the pretty birds!

–Panama City Beach, Florida

If I Do You, Will You Be Nice to Me?

Girl: So, out of all the people in this circle, who have you been sexually involved with?
Queer: Does pecking count?
Girl: Yes.

Queer points at everyone.

Girl 1: You man-whore! So, if pecking doesn’t count, who have you done anything with?
Queer: Everyone except her.
Girl: So you’re still a whore.

–Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: shutterbug