White trash 7 year old, chasing seagulls: Varmits! Get away, you varmits!
Man: Does she mean varmints?
Woman: She’s from Indiana. That 10 year old next to her who is throwing the shovel at the seagulls is probably her mother.
–Indiana Dunes National Park
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin’ staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He’s giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.
–Ocean Beach, California
Teenage girl: I can’t wait to get a tattoo on my lower back.
Tween boy #1: Why would you want a tattoo there? How are you going to be able to see it?
Tween boy #2: It’s not for her, stupid, it’s for the dudes she lets do her in the butt doggy-style.
–St. Simon’s Island, Georgia
Overheard by: John
Woman: That bitch must have one of those fun house mirrors that she looks thin in, because that ass in that suit is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
–Playa Del Carmen, Mexico
Girl #1, approaching girl #2: Um, you should work on your self-esteem more.
Girl #2: What? Who are you?
Girl #1: Take your shorts off. You’re gonna get an ugly tan line.
Girl #2: I’m okay with that, thank you.
Girl #1: What do you care if you are fat? Love yourself!
Girl #2: Fuck off! Who asked your opinion? Who are you?
Girl #1: Hey, can I bum a cigarette?
–Topanga State Beach, Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Freaked Out By CA Chicks
Three-year-old girl using towel as a cape and chasing seagull: I’m prettier than you! I’m prettier than you!
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: you’re very tan
University of Miami girl: If I wasn’t me, I’d think I was stupid.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Guy walking on the sand: I fucking hate the beach! I hate sand and it’s not getting any better. Look, more sand!
–Jones Beach, New York
Tween #1: So, like, what did you eat in Africa?
Tween #2: Like rice and stuff.
Tween #1: Like white rice or brown rice?
Tween #2: White rice.
Tween #1: Like, ew. You can get so fat from that! Oh my God, is that why those Africans in those picture you have, have huge bellies?
Tween #2: You are beyond retarded!
–Second Beach, Newport, Rhode Island
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
