Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
And You Weren't Even Drunk at the Time?? Blasphemy!
Teen: You guys went to bed at 11:30, what's wrong with you?
–Beach Lake, Pennsylvania
An Overabundance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing
Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]Long Island husband: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!
Long Island wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks!
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too
Joe's Mistake Was to Try to Fulfill Both Commands at Once
Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don’t you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!
–Playa Del Rey, CA
Baywatch Uncensored
Woman: Can I rent a beach chair?
Lifeguard (just off duty on the last day of the season): Fuck you, dumb cunt.
–Panama City Beach, Florida
You Should Take It Through the Carwash Today
Teen boy on beach, moving desperately: Holy fuck, there's something in my shorts!
Teen floozy in too-tight hot pink rubber bands: No shit, Sherlock. I was riding it last night.
–Tybee, Georgia
Overheard by: Sunbather pining for her girlfriend
Everybody Dance Now!
Busty tan blonde in yellow bikini, surrounded by 8 beautiful gay men drinking champagne and smoking pot: I mean, we should really just take a picture of this, and put it on a postcard: “Welcome to Venice Beach, bitches.”
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: TheLurker
Every Buddy Film, Encapsulated.
Guy standing at window: I love tit-ass!
Guy on boardwalk: Fuck yeah!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Roomate
One Expects Better Of Florida White Girls
Teen girl #1: Ew! I didn't even know they had movies like this here!
Teen girl #2: What? Wedding Wars?
Teen girl #1, whispering: It's a gay movie! It's all about gay people!
Teen girl #2: Is not! It's just a comedy! (picks up the case and flips it over)
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Put it down!
Teen girl #2: You're such a racist.
–Blockbuster, New Tampa, Florida
Kids, Can You Find Five Things Wrong with this Sunbather?
Girl #1: How do my boobs look?
Girl #2: Like oranges. Seriously, you need to quit that fake tanning shit.
Girl #1: Suck my dick.
–Ocean City, Maryland