Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

You Could Have Had a Friend in Pennsylvania, But Nooo…

Tourist guy: I hate these tourists! They think they’re so cool, just coming down for the weekend in their little homes, fucking up the traffic and making parking difficult. Go home!
Local teen: Your license plate says you’re from Pennsylvania.
Tourist guy: I rent for the summer. I guess I’m kinda like you, in a sense.
Local teen: Bitch, please.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: beach native

This Just in: Queen of Universe Issues Rules for Beachwear

Preggers: They really shouldn’t let fat people go here. It’s disgusting with their stomachs all poking and out and shit. At least make them wear a shirt!
Other chick: You’re seven months pregnant and wearing a bikini. Doesn’t that include you, too?
Preggers: Shut up, bitch. Of course I don’t count. Guys dig sexy pregnant women.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Glynnis O

No, Our Mics Picked That Up Fine

Fat guy to wife who’s sunbathing on her stomach: Wow. You need to shave — you got some wild, stray hairs back there.
Wife: Say it louder, asshole.

–Rosemary Beach, Florida

Overheard by: She’s still hotter than you, pal