Fat guy to wife who’s sunbathing on her stomach: Wow. You need to shave — you got some wild, stray hairs back there.
Wife: Say it louder, asshole.
–Rosemary Beach, Florida
Overheard by: She’s still hotter than you, pal
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
Says So in the Brochure
Teenage girl: I can't wait to get a tattoo on my lower back.
Tween boy #1: Why would you want a tattoo there? How are you going to be able to see it?
Tween boy #2: It's not for her, stupid, it's for the dudes she lets do her in the butt doggy-style.
–St. Simon's Island, Georgia
Overheard by: John
When the Doors of Perception are Cleansed, Man Will See Her Ass as It Truly is: Infinite
Woman: That bitch must have one of those fun house mirrors that she looks thin in, because that ass in that suit is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
–Playa Del Carmen, Mexico
If My Slut License Didn't Say I Have To
Guy #1: She told me that she wants to see other people.
Guy #2: You’re taking this all the wrong way. Now, you can nail that slut over there and she can’t be mad at you when you get back together!
Slut: I would never have you.
–Long Beach, New York
…Though I Guess the Cow Also Works.
Girl, handing beach towel to gay guy: Here. This one's for you cuz it's got fruit on it.
Gay guy: Oh, I'm sorry. Where's the one with a bitch on it for you?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
Unless You've Got Weed
Four-year-old to 12-year-old: You come over here every single day. No one likes you. Go back to your own camp.
–Lake Champlain, New York
Everybody Dance Now!
Busty tan blonde in yellow bikini, surrounded by 8 beautiful gay men drinking champagne and smoking pot: I mean, we should really just take a picture of this, and put it on a postcard: “Welcome to Venice Beach, bitches.”
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: TheLurker
Couldn't We Just Have Played Wii Beach?
Guy walking on the sand: I fucking hate the beach! I hate sand and it's not getting any better. Look, more sand!
–Jones Beach, New York
KKK Just So Stories
Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd.
–New Symrna, Florida
Happens Every Time She Watches The O'Reilly Factor
Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina