Blonde girl on cell: That's not fair! Just because I want to actively pursue a sexual relationship with my thesis advisor does not mean you can call me a whore! (long pause) My boyfriend says he doesn't care.
–Los Angeles, California
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
Unless You've Got Weed
Four-year-old to 12-year-old: You come over here every single day. No one likes you. Go back to your own camp.
–Lake Champlain, New York
He Looked Good With the Anus Ring
Girl #1: So then I said, “I’ll pierce anything I wanna pierce, asshole!” and left.
Girl #2: Good for you. It was a stupid reason to break up with you, anyway.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Liz Burrin
Belinda Calls 'em As She Sees 'em
Guy standing in front of store: I can't believe it! That little girl just said “asshole”! I can't believe it! (gestures at two-year-old inside parked car)
Little girl: Asshole!
Guy: I can't believe it that little girl said “asshole” again!
Mother: Ni-iiice.
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…
Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
In Fairness, He Hasn't Fucked the Babysitter Yet
White trash mother to crying infant: Would you stop being such an asshole? Jesus, you’re just a selfish bastard like your father.
–Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island
Overheard by: girl in bikini pretending to read
Then She Turned Back, Apologized, and Educated the Girls About 'Show-ers and Grow-ers'
College girl #1: Oh my God! Look at his bulge!
College girl #2: He must have a huge dick.
Random lady: Sluts!
–Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: tanned tourist
Happens Every Time She Watches The O'Reilly Factor
Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
That's What John Said
Atheist: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear … ” (pause) Wow! I have no idea where that came from.
Bible-lover: Actually it's from the Bible: John, chapter 4, verse 18.
Atheist: Oh, fuck! Man…
–Hanover Beach, Indiana
Overheard by: triz3en
Tonight's Movie: When Harry Punched Sally
Boy: I think what you just said is racism.
Biotech: I’ll give you racism, you black bitch.
–Williamstown, Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: knee coal