Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

From The Big Book of Clum­sy Pick-Up Lines

Girl #1, ap­proach­ing girl #2: Um, you should work on your self-es­teem more.
Girl #2: What? Who are you?
Girl #1: Take your shorts off. You’re gonna get an ug­ly tan line.
Girl #2: I’m okay with that, thank you.
Girl #1: What do you care if you are fat? Love your­self!
Girl #2: Fuck off! Who asked your opin­ion? Who are you?
Girl #1: Hey, can I bum a cig­a­rette?

–Topan­ga State Beach, Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Freaked Out By CA Chicks

When Cal­i­forn­ian Chil­dren Are Born to Oth­er­wise Nor­mal Cana­di­an Par­ents

Teenage girl in ex­pen­sive yo­ga pants to meek moth­er: Move to France? Why the hell would I move to France? That’s the dumb­est thing I’ve heard you say in, like, for­ev­er. Stop try­ing to live your, like, stu­pid dreams and stuff through me!

–Cof­fee Shop in the Beach, Toron­to, Cana­dia

That was a Pla­ton­ic Blow Job

JAP #1: So yeah, Aaron* and Rachel* hooked up last night.
JAP #2: Oh my god! What a fuck­ing slut!
JAP #1: Did­n’t you and Rachel give Aaron a blow job last week, at the same time?
JAP #2: Yeah, so… Your point?
JAP #1: Oh, nev­er­mind… Just want­ed to know what you thought was slut­ty and what was­n’t.

–Bo­ca Beach Club, Bo­ca Ra­ton, Flori­da

Over­heard by: glad i picked the bo­ca ho­tel to stay at..

But Don’t Tell Him About the Time We Fucked!

Chick #1: You were a com­plete whore last night.
Chick #2: Look who’s talk­ing! Do I have to men­tion the time you let Derek go down on you?
Chick #1: Bitch! That guy over there can hear you!
Chick #2: So what?
Chick #1: Lis­ten to how you’re talk­ing about me and my broth­er. He’s gonna think I’m a com­plete skank!
Chick #2: I said Derek. He did­n’t know who the fuck Derek was un­til you opened your fuckin’ mouth.
Chick #1: Uh, yeah, I guess you’re right…

–Pana­ma City Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: That guy over there