Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

Belinda Calls 'em As She Sees 'em

Guy standing in front of store: I can't believe it! That little girl just said “asshole”! I can't believe it! (gestures at two-year-old inside parked car)
Little girl: Asshole!
Guy: I can't believe it that little girl said “asshole” again!
Mother: Ni-iiice.

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: ISPgypsy

You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…

Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Mary

Happens Every Time She Watches The O'Reilly Factor

Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

That's What John Said

Atheist: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear … ” (pause) Wow! I have no idea where that came from.
Bible-lover: Actually it's from the Bible: John, chapter 4, verse 18.
Atheist: Oh, fuck! Man…

–Hanover Beach, Indiana

Overheard by: triz3en