Boy #1: You know what show I like?
Boy #2: What?
Boy #1: Six Feet Under. It's great, minus all that homosexual shit.
Boy #2: Yeah, for real.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Homosexuality’ Category
GI Jane Gets Edited For Lifetime
American girl, looking at girl with shaved head: Oh my God, I feel soo bad for her.
American friend #1: ‘Cause she has cancer?
American friend #2: Or she’s a dyke.
American girl: Either way, it sucks!
–Herzliya Beach, Herzliya, Israel
Never Met a Simile Yet I Couldn't Swallow
Stoned nerd (talking about his sub order): I've got six inches!
Stoned girl: Lucky. I got the lesbian choice, a fuckin' sandwich. Cuz the sandwich is like a vagina and the sub is like a dick, ya know?
Stoned nerd: No, I totally understand. And I'm okay with that.
–Wawa, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
You Were Listening to Coldplay
Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I’m gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I’m a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we’re cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we’re gay! Damn, it’s like P.E. class all over again.
–Delta, British Columbia, Canadia
What If I Asked to Lick Your Ass?
Buff guy, after ordering an extra “floater” shot on top of his strawberry daiquiri: Is ordering that gay?
Friend: Not any gayer than drinking a daiquiri.
–Newport Beach, Newport, Rhode Island
Overheard by: ThoseGuys
Um, Birth?
Beach girl in group of people: Wait! Ellen DeGeneres is gay?! Since when?
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Colleen
Tonight, on Bosom Buddies…
Teenage boy #1: I'm gonna grab your nipple.
Teenage boy #2: You better grab my nipple!
–Head of the Fish Regatta, Saratoga Springs, New York
'Brokeback Mountain' Filled Him with Doubt
Guy trying to park his car: Honey, am I straight? Am I straight?
Wife: I damned well hope so.
–Grand Beach, Manitoba, Canadia
Overheard by: Shalamar
And Started Wearing Prada Loafers
Girl #1: So…plans for tonight?
Girl #2: Yeah, actually. I'm going out with Beto. He just moved to Niterói with his boyfriend.
Girl #1: Wait. What? His *boyfriend*? So he finally came out, eh?
Girl #2: Well…he didn't come out per se. He just said, “So, this is my boyfriend, Bruno.”
–Ipanema Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Like I Don't Have Enough Star Trivia to Memorize?
Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
–Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.