Woman, talking about a topless sunbather: Is that a man?
Guy: No.
Woman: God, that is so not New Jersey.
–South Beach, Miami
Overheard by: Marty
Archive for the ‘Health & Hygiene’ Category
It’s What Little Girls Are Made Of
Little girl: Mommy, what’s that red stuff in your bathing suit?
–Public bathroom, Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
Mary Protected Jesus As Long As She Could
Little boy wearing rash guard: Mom, that little boy isn’t wearing a shirt.
Mom: Mmm-huh.
Little boy: Why doesn’t he have to wear a shirt?
Mom: Because his mom doesn’t love him, that’s why. He’ll get skin cancer and die.
–Salisbury Beach, Massachusetts
God, We are So Much Grittier than those Spoiled Little Shits on TV
OC dude #1: So, like, when you were at college, did you have to do your own laundry?
OC dude #2: Yeah.
OC dude #1: That sucks. I had to do my own laundry for, like, a year.
OC dude #2: It’s actually not that bad.
OC dude #1: Yeah, it actually makes you feel really responsible.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Lena
The Perfect Complement to the Heroin Hut
40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea!
–La Jolla, California
Overheard by: Confetti Bomb
Hmmm. What Are These Euphemisms For?
Guy: Can you pass the ChapStick? Because “lip gloss” has the taint.
–Cambria, California
Overheard by: nadia
Those Aren’t Girls, Sir
American girl #1: Does your boyfriend shave his balls?
American girl #2: I didn’t know that men do that.
Nearby British man: Is this what young American girls talk about on their holiday?
–Cassis, France
And, for the Last Time, That’s Not a Scorpion Bite
30-something mom dragging toddler down path: What do you mean your legs hurt? You’re four years old! My legs don’t even hurt and I’m like three times your age!
–Bay Shore, Long Island, New York
Here’s Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to Explain
Girl #1: Dude, my retainer smells nasty!
Girl #2: Just put a little bleach on it.
Girl #1: Wouldn’t that kill me?
Girl #2: Yeah, but it will make your teeth whiter.
–Tampa, Florida
Is He Wearing a Patch or a Kippah?
Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!“
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sunny Reiser
