Hobo to lifeguard: Yeah, I pooped here. Twice, actually. Once right there, and once right there.
–Pacifica, California
Archive for the ‘Health & Hygiene’ Category
Oh, Right, the Money and the 10-inch Cock
Chick on cell: Yeah, don’t you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? Ewww, why am I dating you?
–Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: hannie bananie
I Did Fall in the Ocean, Though
Bag lady: Weren't you gonna wash yo' hair?
Hobo: That was las' week!
Bag lady: Well, didja?
Hobo: No.
–Miami, Florida
Overheard by: larry
…And I Love You For It, Honey
Mother to child, as they leave the beach: You're like walkin', talkin' birth control.
–Brownie Lake, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Erin Christey
I Love a Girl Who Can Handle Her Balls
70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?
–Palm Coast, Florida
And the Tour Guide Was Like, "This Is Your Congressman."
Biker's lady to biker: He had this plastic bag of poison ivy and was rubbing it on his face…
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Nothing Worse Than a Black Forest Caca
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
What You Get for Eating Cafeteria Food
Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!
–Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire
It's in the Fine Print on the Coppertone Label
Guy: Yo, where's that sunscreen at?
Girl: You don't need any sunscreen, we're black, we have a natural SPF factor of 8.
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: KL
No More Family Reunions for You, Missy
20-something girl #1: So everyone thinks that Nate gave Aric that hickey last night when they were joking around in the kitchen, and Brandon is kinda mad now, he already told Nate not to give other boys hickeys anymore.
20-something girl #2: Oh, poor Brandon, why does Nate do that?
20-something girl #1: Oh, that so wasn't what I was talking about, Nate didn't even do it!
20-something girl #2: What? How else would Aric have gotten it then? After the kitchen thing we all went to bed, didn't we?
20-something girl #1: Yes…
20-something girl #2: Wait, where did Aric sleep last night?
20-something girl #1: Um.
20-something girl #2: It was you! You hickeyed Aric! What are you, twelve?
–Sauble Beach, Ontario, Canada