Little girl: I’m Italian, so I don’t get sick.
–Mashpee, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jill
Archive for the ‘Health & Hygiene’ Category
That’s Not What “Swimmers Will Be Penalized” Means, Bobby.
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
All of Western Medicine Is at Your Disposal
30-ish chick #1: Well, maybe your body is telling you that it’s time to have a baby.
30-ish chick #2: Well, maybe I’ll just tell my body to shut the fuck up.
–Jones Beach, New York
They’re Not Pregnant — It’s Just the Parasites
Guy: I wouldn’t go in the water if I was you.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I think there’s something in there that makes you pregnant.
Girl: Why do you say that?
Guy points to large group of pregnant women.
Girl: Oh…
–Coralville Reservoir, Coralville, Iowa
Winter In Maine Is …Less Than Exciting
Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don’t think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…
–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
It Was a Question on My Preschool Entrance Exam
Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?
–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey
You Should’ve Seen Her… Her Tits were Bzzz!
Girl #1: Don’t go skinny dipping here.
Girl #2: Why not? That blind person is the only guy around.
Blind guy: I’m blind, not deaf. Now I can use the sound of your voice to project an image of you naked in my head. [He pauses for a moment.] It’s not pretty.
–Westhampton Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: amanda fox
Where Reality Show Contestants Come From: Explained.
20-something guy: If someone offered you a thousand dollars to let them break your leg, would you say yes? I would. I’d say “hell yeah, break that shit in half!”
–Siesta Key, Florida
Okay, Maybe It was Every Day, in Our Great Big Rubber Bed
White chick with dreads: Yeah, I used to pee on my best friend all the time… Well, I guess it was really just one time, but we peed on each other. I was sitting on her lap and I was laughing really hard, and I was like, ‘Oh I have to pee,’ but then I thought it’d be even funnier, so I just let it go. Later she tackled me in the water and peed on me. It was kinda nice — like, really warm.
–Pickerel Lake, Michigan
Overheard by: Maude Lynne
So Cancer Is Just Your Body Trying to Get Back to the Womb?
Amateur oncologist: Having a baby? That’s like growing a tumor with a brain inside of you.
–Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: concerned citizens
