Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…
–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
Girl to friends: I think the worst thing I ever smelled was my own breath.
–Weirs Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: glad I wasn't downwind of her
Tourist mom on cell: He’s not gonna be brain damaged! It wasn’t my fault — it was only two hours!
–Point Pleasant Boardwalk, New Jersey
Overheard by: bonzo
Guy pointing out girl with tampon string hanging out of her bikini: Dude, that chick is either on her period, or she just fucked a tea bag.
–Bronte Beach, Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Hamish The Li
Little girl: If a pig spits in your eye, you'll get the flu.
–Takapuna Beach, Auckland, New Zealand
Trendy Asian chick: I've seen a lot of transvestites in my day, but only one with a beard.
Old, well-dressed Mexican man: He must have forgotten to shave.
–Newport Beach, California
Beach lady #1: Oh girls, last night I was watching 16 and Pregnant.
Beach lady #2: My daughter watches that. Well, I think it is stupid! That would suck for those girls.
Beach lady #1: How stupid are these kids these days? That's why my daughter uses safe sex.
Beach lady #2: Wait, weren't you pregnant at 16?
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Emily
Woman: It wasn’t a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.
–Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Andrea
Chick #1: Why does that hurt your arms but nowhere else?
Chick #2: I dunno. It just does. I have weak arms.
Chick #1: I think you have leukemia…Don’t laugh! Leukemia is a horrible disease!
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire