Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!
–Crane Beach, Massachusetts
Biker's lady to biker: He had this plastic bag of poison ivy and was rubbing it on his face…
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Worried teen: Oh no! The janitor lady cleaned up my tooth!
–Howard Park Beach, Tarpon Springs, Florida
Overheard by: CorLiz
Heavy sweaty chick, yelling across store at friends: My sweat smells like beer!
–Surf Shop, Laguna Beach, California
Preggers: They really shouldn’t let fat people go here. It’s disgusting with their stomachs all poking and out and shit. At least make them wear a shirt!
Other chick: You’re seven months pregnant and wearing a bikini. Doesn’t that include you, too?
Preggers: Shut up, bitch. Of course I don’t count. Guys dig sexy pregnant women.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Glynnis O
Chubby middle-aged woman to her male friend: First thing I'm going to do is lose a lot of weight, then I'm gonna get a chemical peel…
–Smith Point, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: geo
Chick: Fuck, I stepped on a piece of glass!
Dude: Was it beach glass?
Chick: I don’t know… We’re at the beach… Probably.
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: monkey
Worker #1: Did you just fart?
Worker #2: No, I belched.
–Solana Beach, California
Older rich man: I stopped using soap back in '74. There's a lot to be said for some hot water and a good scrub.
–Destin, Florida
Little boy: Daddy, look what I found in the sand!
Father: Don’t touch it. I don’t know what it is, but don’t touch it.
–Jungle Gym, Coney Island Beach, New York