Well It Is a Dirty Photo.

White girl, reviewing nude pictures of Hispanic girl: That’s why I would hate to be darker. Her vagina looks dirty.

–Deerfield Beach, Florida

Yes, It’s Important That They Be Well Educated

Jock: Don’t diabetics have to check their pH level?

–Long Beach, New York

… And Because You Knocked Up Our Mom in the First Place

Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six-year-old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn’t leave us alone.

–Bridgetown, Barbados

Here’s Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to Explain

Girl #1: Dude, my retainer smells nasty!
Girl #2: Just put a little bleach on it.
Girl #1: Wouldn’t that kill me?
Girl #2: Yeah, but it will make your teeth whiter.

–Tampa, Florida

AKA ‘Potato Lung’

Dude #1: So, apparently he died from consumption.
Dude #2: Oh, man, I would hate to die from constipation… I think I almost did, once.
Dude #3: Is that what happens when you get tuberculosis?

–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Juan Dude

Let’s Discuss It While I Bleed Out

Chick: Fuck, I stepped on a piece of glass!
Dude: Was it beach glass?
Chick: I don’t know… We’re at the beach… Probably. 

–Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: monkey

How Leslie Finagles Free Movies from Half the Guys in Cape May

Guy: Two for Wanted.
Pregnant girl: You don’t need to buy my ticket. I brought money.
Guy: It’s the least I could do, after knocking you up.
Pregnant girl: Good point.

–Cape May, New Jersey

NewsFlash: Viagra and Headboards Spell Disaster

Tourist mom on cell: He’s not gonna be brain damaged! It wasn’t my fault — it was only two hours!

–Point Pleasant Boardwalk, New Jersey

Overheard by: bonzo

Oh, Right, the Money and the 10-inch Cock

Chick on cell: Yeah, don’t you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? Ewww, why am I dating you?

–Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: hannie bananie

GI Jane Gets Edited For Lifetime

American girl, looking at girl with shaved head: Oh my God, I feel soo bad for her.
American friend #1: ‘Cause she has cancer?
American friend #2: Or she’s a dyke.
American girl: Either way, it sucks!

–Herzliya Beach, Herzliya, Israel