Girl #1: We can go see the Kula botanical gardens.
Girl #2: Where on the island is it?
Girl #1, reading guidebook section: It’s in flora and fauna — I don’t know where that is.
Girl #2: Um… Flora and fauna means plants and animals, it isn’t a place on the map.
Girl #1: Well, I don’t speak Hawaiian so how was I supposed to know?
–Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: ispeakhawaiian
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I'm wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it's Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building's the one my buddy sold and now it's a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Girl #1: So, I was thinking about taking a picture of my yoo-hoo and framing it for my boyfriend this Christmas. Opinions?
Girl #2: I think you’re the classiest individual I’ve ever encountered.
Girl #1: You’re too kind.
–Waikiki beach, Honolulu, Hawaii
Burger eater to another: I ate so much salad yesterday I've got lettuce confetti flying out of my butt.
–Kailua-Kona, Hawaii
Overheard by: check please!
Dude on cell: Falling in love with me and sitting on my face are two completely different things.
–Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Matyis
Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.
–Kohala, Hawaii
Overheard by: BLondie
Wifey turning from looking at ocean: This is so nice. What elevation are we at?
Hubby: … Seriously?
Wifey: Yes.
Hubby: Um… Sea level, honey.
Wifey: Oh. Yeah.
–Ka’anapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: D-Rock
Bikini babe: She’s had sex before… but… like… only strap-on sex. So she’s totally a fake lesbian ’cause she still likes dick!
–Anna Bananas, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: just getting some beers
Dirty surfer to disinterested hippie girl: I mean, I do something for the military that nobody else does, no one has ever been able to do. It's tracking a submarine, underwater, tracking exactly where it is and where it goes, without using sonar, or any technology, or detection devices. They don't know how I do it, and I won't tell them, but I do it. I've won awards for it.
–Ala Moana Blvd. honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Girl #1: I’m glad we aren’t having earthquakes here like back in Cali.
Girl #2: It would suck coming over to Maui and then having an earthquake here.
Girl #1: Hey, can you feel an earthquake in a plane?
Girl #2: Um…
–Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Darcy