Wifey turning from looking at ocean: This is so nice. What elevation are we at?
Hubby: … Seriously?
Wifey: Yes.
Hubby: Um… Sea level, honey.
Wifey: Oh. Yeah.
–Ka’anapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: D‑Rock
Archive for the ‘Hawaii’ Category
Because a Watched Sea Never Boils.
Enraptured girl, watching sunset with boyfriend: I just love it when the sun sinks into the sea like this! But I have a question…
Boy: Huh? What?
Girl, turning serious: Why doesn’t the sea boil?
–Kauai, Hawaii
And Often Swim in Water or Other Liquid.
Loud woman, about sting rays: They have a six-foot wingspan of five to six feet.
–Sea Life Park, Honolulu, Hawaii
There Is No “They,” There’s Just Us; Let’s Get Fucked Up
Student to friend: I think they should illegalize tobacco, and legalize pot.
–University Campus, Honolulu, Hawaii
What Happens When You Give Your Number Out Too Often
Random, possibly drunk lady at bar: 1, 2, 3, 4, who do we appreciate?
–Thai Restaurant, Honolulu, Hawaii
Call Me SaladShooter!
Burger eater to another: I ate so much salad yesterday I’ve got lettuce confetti flying out of my butt.
–Kailua-Kona, Hawaii
Overheard by: check please!
Chris Kattan’s Career Is Pretty Much at a Standstill
Bell boy: I applied to be a dancer on a cruise ship, and I totally had the body for it. I had a six pack, borderline eight pack. Plus, I have a mango dick. What am I supposed to do with that now?
–Honolulu, Hawaii
But I Resisted the Urge to Put My Nose on Him
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building’s the one my buddy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Her Vulvar Ring Is from Tiffany’s
Girl #1: So, I was thinking about taking a picture of my yoo-hoo and framing it for my boyfriend this Christmas. Opinions?
Girl #2: I think you’re the classiest individual I’ve ever encountered.
Girl #1: You’re too kind.
–Waikiki beach, Honolulu, Hawaii
It’s All Fun and Games ‘Til She Calls FEMA
Boat captain: C’mon, we have to go. The tide’s coming in and the island’s gonna sink!
Gullible tourist: Okay.
(soon the tourist sees the island disappearing behind them on the horizon as the boat goes back to port)
Gullible tourist: You’re right! It’s sinking!
–Boat Tour, Hawaii
