Loud woman, about sting rays: They have a six-foot wingspan of five to six feet.
–Sea Life Park, Honolulu, Hawaii
Archive for the ‘Hawaii’ Category
Some Of Us Should Keep Our Shirts on at the Beach
Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!
–Hawaii
Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us
Unless It Involves Spirit Fingers…
Pilot on PA: We’ll be making our final descent to Oahu International Airport shortly.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh my god! I thought we were going to Honolulu!
9-year-old boy nearby: Honolulu is the city on Oahu, you idiot.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh… Well, how am I supposed to know that?
–Plane to Hawaii
Overheard by: Derek
Nudists Have Ways of Recognizing Each Other
Little boy: Dad, why does that girl have her swim suit straps down like that?
Dad: So she doesn’t get tan lines on her shoulders. Yup, if your mom had those I never would’ve married her.
–Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Mindygotback
…According to That Cosmo Quiz
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
Okay, Assghanistan Is Not a Real Place
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Borat was from Kazakhstan–that's a real country!
Boyfriend: No it's not!
Girlfriend: Yes it is, it's over in the Eastern European area! You are so up your ass right now!
–Kaanapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Megan
I'll Defend Your Irrational Beliefs to the Death
Creepy guy: Yeah, so you're Mormon?
Army guy: Yeah. I am.
Creepy guy: Good man, I respect that. I'm Italian and Irish.
–Ala Moana Beach, Hawaii
Overheard by: trying to tan
They're the First Warning Signs of Congenital Stupidity
Little Miss Texas slathering on more baby oil: I don’t know why I’m gettin’ all these little wrinkles around my eyes, do y’all?
–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii
Anybody Still Worried about the Focus on Dead White Europeans in Schools?
Girl #1: We can go see the Kula botanical gardens.
Girl #2: Where on the island is it?
Girl #1, reading guidebook section: It’s in flora and fauna — I don’t know where that is.
Girl #2: Um… Flora and fauna means plants and animals, it isn’t a place on the map.
Girl #1: Well, I don’t speak Hawaiian so how was I supposed to know?
–Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: ispeakhawaiian
But I Resisted the Urge to Put My Nose on Him
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I'm wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it's Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building's the one my buddy sold and now it's a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel