Archive for the ‘Hawaii’ Category

Though I Of­ten Doubt If They Are Worth It

Na­tive man: This is where Hawai­ians come to cel­e­brate a child’s first birth­day with a lu­au. All the fam­i­ly comes to have a three-day par­ty by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get start­ed?
Na­tive man: To pro­tect the ba­bies from the mis­sion­ar­ies who loved to eat plump Hawai­ian ba­bies.
Tourist, shocked: That was­n’t in my tour book.
Na­tive man: It’s some­thing we keep qui­et to pro­tect the white mis­sion­ar­ies.

–Ko­ha­la, Hawaii

Over­heard by: BLondie

But I Feel a Lot High­er Than That

Wifey turn­ing from look­ing at ocean: This is so nice. What el­e­va­tion are we at?
Hub­by: … Se­ri­ous­ly?
Wifey: Yes.
Hub­by: Um… Sea lev­el, hon­ey.
Wifey: Oh. Yeah.

–Ka’ana­pali Beach, Maui, Hawaii

Over­heard by: D‑Rock

When Ex­per­i­ment­ing, It’s Im­por­tant to On­ly Change One Vari­able at a Time

Girl­friend: Hey, do you know I heard down in Brazil they, like, mix sand in with their sun­tan lo­tion so that it ex­fo­li­ates their skin?
Boyfriend: That’s fuck­ing stu­pid.
Girl­friend: Tell me about it! I tried it last year and got a nasty rash. So this year I’m us­ing sand and ba­by oil.

–Waiki­ki Beach, Hawaii

Over­heard by: Neeri

Let’s Just Go to the Beach, Okay?

Girl #1: I’m glad we aren’t hav­ing earth­quakes here like back in Cali.
Girl #2: It would suck com­ing over to Maui and then hav­ing an earth­quake here.
Girl #1: Hey, can you feel an earth­quake in a plane?
Girl #2: Um…

–Ki­hei, Maui, Hawaii

Over­heard by: Dar­cy