Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

She Has No Idea How Awk­ward Her First Sex­u­al Ex­pe­ri­ence Is Go­ing to Be

Teen girl: I can’t be­lieve I’m drunk! I’m drunk! In Italy! I am 17 and drunk. Oh yeah, and I’m with my par­ents! The first time I’m drunk, in a for­eign coun­try, un­der 21, with you peo­ple, and I’m in Italy?
Teen girl’s moth­er: It is bet­ter this way. At least you are with peo­ple who care.

–No­va Siri, Italy

Over­heard by: on­ly oth­er amer­i­can in the place

You Could Have Had a Friend in Penn­syl­va­nia, But Nooo…

Tourist guy: I hate these tourists! They think they’re so cool, just com­ing down for the week­end in their lit­tle homes, fuck­ing up the traf­fic and mak­ing park­ing dif­fi­cult. Go home!
Lo­cal teen: Your li­cense plate says you’re from Penn­syl­va­nia.
Tourist guy: I rent for the sum­mer. I guess I’m kin­da like you, in a sense.
Lo­cal teen: Bitch, please.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Over­heard by: beach na­tive

Ig­no­rance Makes Me Hard­er than Chi­nese Al­ge­bra

Fresh­man biki­ni girl #1: Col­lege class­es are much more lame than I thought they would be.
Fresh­man biki­ni girl #2: Yeah. I mean, who cares about, like, the dif­fer­ence be­tween Chi­nese and Japan­ese?
Fresh­man biki­ni girl #1: Yeah! Or al­ge­bra! Like any­one even cares!
Fresh­man biki­ni girl #2: Do you have more ba­by oil?

–Co­coa Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: a pro­fes­sor who spe­cial­izes in Asian cul­tures

This Just in: Queen of Uni­verse Is­sues Rules for Beach­wear

Preg­gers: They re­al­ly should­n’t let fat peo­ple go here. It’s dis­gust­ing with their stom­achs all pok­ing and out and shit. At least make them wear a shirt!
Oth­er chick: You’re sev­en months preg­nant and wear­ing a biki­ni. Does­n’t that in­clude you, too?
Preg­gers: Shut up, bitch. Of course I don’t count. Guys dig sexy preg­nant women.

–Ocean City, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Glyn­nis O

That Was on Tues­day, Brit­ney

Trendy over­dressed girl: Oh my god, did you see all those teenagers lurk­ing out­side? They think they’re so fuck­ing cool! God!
Trendy over­dressed guy: I know.
Trendy over­dressed girl: It’s like, ever since we turned 20, I can’t be­lieve we ever hung out with peo­ple like that.

–Long Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: 22-year-old who’s glad she nev­er hung out with ei­ther of them