Little boy staring at girl in bikini: But why can’t I have boobies, Mom?! I want them!
–Jersey Shore
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
If the Rest of It Exhibits the Same Level of Creativity, Then No
Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
And You Weren't Even Drunk at the Time?? Blasphemy!
Teen: You guys went to bed at 11:30, what's wrong with you?
–Beach Lake, Pennsylvania
Bring Me Grandchildren, Then We'll See
Tween girl to parents: You never listen to me!
Mom: Be quiet, Ashley.
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nicole
What You Get for Eating Cafeteria Food
Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!
–Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire
I Thought that was a Discarded Breast Implant
Little girl staring at a plastic bag washing up on the beach: Ewww! Don’t let that touch me!
Mom: Don’t worry, honey. It can’t hurt you. It’s just a Jersey jellyfish.
–Union Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Brian
Thai Food Comes to Australia
Girl #1: It tastes like soap!
Girl #2: Yeah, but not unpleasantly so.
–Adelaide, Australia
In Fact, I'll Just Tell People at Yoga Class I Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Ditz #1: I would love to be a Buddhist.
Ditz #2: Yeah, it’s really spiritual.
Ditz #1: Yeah, all the meditating and stuff…
Ditz #2: Yeah…
Ditz #1: … But not a full Buddhist — that would be boring.
Ditz #2: Yeah, just do it for the yoga and stuff.
–Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia
Actually, It's the Sequence of the Placement that Concerns Her
Woman #1: I don’t mind sand in my bathing suit or sand up my butt, but I don’t want sand in my mouth!
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yup!
Woman #2: Well, I guess that makes sense. There are a lot of things I would rather have in my butt than in my mouth.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: velma
Like Douching While Watching Brad Pitt Strip
Girl #1: Great, now we can’t go swimming.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: ‘Cause it’s raining. That’d be, like, double wet.
Girl #2: Oh.
–Ocean Grove Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Alex