Maybe Because the Fiancé Already Had Her Fist in It

20-Something chick #1: So Brad and I went up to the mountains with his friend Greg and Greg’s fiancé. Brad and Greg went out to unpack the car, and she and I just started going at it.
30-Something chick #2: You guys were making out?
30-Something chick #1: It was way intense.
30-Something chick #2: Wow.
30-Something chick #1: Then Brad and Greg came back in the house, and Greg started, like, totally freaking out. I mean, he just wasn’t, like…feeling my openness!

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: gefiltepez

And Her Dad’s Probably One of the Seagulls

White trash 7 year old, chasing seagulls: Varmits! Get away, you varmits!
Man: Does she mean varmints?
Woman: She’s from Indiana. That 10 year old next to her who is throwing the shovel at the seagulls is probably her mother.

–Indiana Dunes National Park

How the Hell Would I Know That?

Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Lilian

Oh, That’s Just Drowning Girls. Now Get In!

Girl #1: Come on, get in the water.
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girl #3: No way! There are sharks!
Girl #1: There aren’t any sharks.
Girl #3: Oh yeah? Then why are there so many bubbles?

–Robert Moses Beach, New York

You Should’ve Seen Her… Her Tits were Bzzz!

Girl #1: Don’t go skinny dipping here.
Girl #2: Why not? That blind person is the only guy around.
Blind guy: I’m blind, not deaf. Now I can use the sound of your voice to project an image of you naked in my head. [He pauses for a moment.] It’s not pretty.

–Westhampton Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: amanda fox

I Hate People Who Have Better Tans Than I Do

Bimbette to boyfriend: So yeah, I like, went to Cabo over spring break, and there were like Mexicans everywhere! Yeah, it was horrible.

–Michigan

But You Had to Get All Pissy about that Whole Rape Thing

Girl #1: Hey, see those guys we went out on the date with that time?
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: Up there with the big-ass cooler and grill. I told you we shoulda gone out on another date with them. We coulda been up there drinkin’ beer and eating hot dog right now.

–Cabbage Beach, Paradise Island, Bahamas

Overheard by: d

When the Doors of Perception are Cleansed, Man Will See Her Ass as It Truly is: Infinite

Woman: That bitch must have one of those fun house mirrors that she looks thin in, because that ass in that suit is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

–Playa Del Carmen, Mexico

What Would Your Social Life Be Without It?

Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!

–Oval Beach, Michigan

Overheard by: Steph

So Cancer Is Just Your Body Trying to Get Back to the Womb?

Amateur oncologist: Having a baby? That’s like growing a tumor with a brain inside of you.

–Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: concerned citizens

Overheard At The Beach

Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category