Dude #1: So yeah, she got pretty pissed ’cause we were eating all her food.
Dude #2: That sucks. She’s a bitch.
Dude #1: Yeah, but then we found the peanut butter — dude, it was like we just struck gold! And then we spread it all over her bookshelf.
Dude #2: Nice!
Dude #1: Yeah, it was awesome.
–Spring Lake, New Jersey
Professor #1: Where are you going?
Professor #2, with group of freshmen: Oh, y’know, Friday afternoon — just heading down to the bar.
Professor #1: Um…
Professor #2: The sand bar.
–Eckerd College, St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: I love my major.
20-something daughter: She’s 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain’t married yet, she ain’t never gonna be.
–Daytona, Florida
Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36
Woman: Her shorts were kinda baggy so she just tucked them under her boobs.
–Warren Dunes, Michigan
Overheard by: Syd O’Banion
Man: In Europe, all little children are naked.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: I heard about that
Daughter: Sorry I’m late.
Mom: That’s okay. We were playing ‘Tourist or not?’ with the passersby. Look — those two — obviously tourists.
Daughter: Oh, kinda like when I play ‘Jew or not?’ when I get bored.
–Ipanema, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: Jew tourist
Man on cell: Well, I didn’t explicitly tell him to kill himself…
–Santa Cruz Boardwalk, California
Man on cell: I know — she’s been a proper cunt since she got cancer.
–Freshwater West, Pembroke, Wales
Overheard by: Withy
Man: I see you’ve caught the sun a bit!
Fat lady: No, that’s just chub-rub.
–Spain
Overheard by: Vertman
Bikini #1: And?
Bikini #2: And what?
Bikini #1: And what happened?
Bikini #2: We had sex.
–Bondi Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Ggary