Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

So They Both Just Lie There?

Girl #1: I was talk­ing to Jess* the oth­er day. She’s been home for a while.
Girl #2: Is­n’t she a les­bian now?
Girl #1: Yeah, she was with her girl­friend, Michelle, who was re­al­ly nice and re­al­ly hot.
Girl #2: So, Jess is like the boy, right?
Girl #1: No. They are both girls.

–St. Kil­da Beach, Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: one of those les­bians who dates boys

God, I Miss Roseanne

20-some­thing woman #1: She was bitch­ing about how there was noth­ing to eat in the house, and so Bob* said, “you could go to the store,” and she said, “I don’t go to the store on my va­ca­tion. There are two things I don’t do on va­ca­tion: go to the store and cook.“
20-some­thing woman #2: What is she even on va­ca­tion from? Sit­ting on her ass?

–Hold­en Beach, North Car­oli­na

Every Four-Year-Old Knows a Teenag­er Like This

Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old coun­selor: Uh, I can’t dri­ve.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old coun­selor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cer­ri­to.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or some­thing? Aren’t you in col­lege?!
14-year-old coun­selor: Well, the truth is my li­cense was re­voked af­ter I ran over those aliens. The FBI was an­gry be­cause they need­ed to talk to them about the plans for the Unit­ed States em­bassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Ko­re­ans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…

–Cal­i­for­nia

Would You Ter­ri­bly Mind Bub­ble-Wrap­ping the Car?

La­dy on cell: Hel­lo? I need to get a spare tire put on… Yes, the BMW — my son’s car. Well, I’m not ac­tu­al­ly sure what tire it is. See, my son’s the one with the flat. He’s a few blocks from home, and he has his own AAA num­ber, but he said he called and he got the au­to­mat­ed menu, and he got con­fused. He’s on­ly 20, and– [pause, then] –Yes, I guess I do cod­dle him…

–Mal­ibu, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Danielle