Girl on cell: Dude, you could buy a whole bag full of dildos, and he would never know.
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: groovychica
Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category
And Nine Months Later, Hand Towels!
Eight-year-old boy: … So I whipped out my peanut and had sex with the sheets…
–Near the Steeplechase, Coney Island Beach, New York
Overheard by: beach soccer bum
The Premature Ejaculators’ Society Takes a Holiday
Loud Brit on cell: Oh, yes! We’re finally here! It’s so warm here! All quiet — it’s just beautiful! Will you be along soon? Oh… Ah… Uh-huh… So you’re going to have sex? Right, then — see you in a minute! Bye!
–Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: Avkram
Every Four-Year-Old Knows a Teenager Like This
Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…
–California
How Men Learn Not to Confide in Women
Old lady #1: He told me he has never lasted more than three minutes with anyone!
Old lady #2: Really?? That poor, poor woman of his. No wonder she got a boob job and bites her nails so much.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
I Gotta Go — tthe Cops Said No More Warnings
Blonde on cell: Yeah, he just called. He’s waiting for me across the street with his pants off.
–48th Street, Newport Beach, California
Speaking of Slapping Bitches…
Girl #1: She’s such a ditz. She’s in a band called ‘Bitch Slap,’ and they all wear matching shirts that say ‘Bitch Slap.‘
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
–Coffs Harbour, Australia
God, I Miss Roseanne
20-something woman #1: She was bitching about how there was nothing to eat in the house, and so Bob* said, “you could go to the store,” and she said, “I don’t go to the store on my vacation. There are two things I don’t do on vacation: go to the store and cook.“
20-something woman #2: What is she even on vacation from? Sitting on her ass?
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
He Said He wasn’t, but It’s Hard to Argue with the Coroner
Woman #1: I once saw my neighbor being taken out of his house in a coroner’s bag.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because he was dead.
–Manhattan Beach, California
You Really Get to Know Someone after Five Years of Marriage
Bimbette: I thought he was a paraplegic, but it turned out he was just lazy.
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: Patricia
