Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!
–Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura Wilson
Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category
The Marketing Director Advises Santa's Purchasing Elf
Girl on cell: Dude, you could buy a whole bag full of dildos, and he would never know.
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: groovychica
If Nominated I Will Not Run, If Elected I Will Not Serve
Crazy lady: I told you, I don’t want to be the goddamn queen of Russia.
–Haystack Rock, Oregon
Overheard by: Luke
My Ass Is Going into Toxic Shock
Teen girl: My shorts are expanding like a tampon!
–Jones Beach, New York
The Premature Ejaculators' Society Takes a Holiday
Loud Brit on cell: Oh, yes! We’re finally here! It’s so warm here! All quiet — it’s just beautiful! Will you be along soon? Oh… Ah… Uh-huh… So you’re going to have sex? Right, then — see you in a minute! Bye!
–Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: Avkram
He Said He Would Love Her Always
Guy #1: No. She, like, threw the tampon.
Guy #2: At him?
Guy #1: Yeah, to turn him on.
–St. Augustine, Florida
How Men Learn Not to Confide in Women
Old lady #1: He told me he has never lasted more than three minutes with anyone!
Old lady #2: Really?? That poor, poor woman of his. No wonder she got a boob job and bites her nails so much.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Like I Don't Have Enough Star Trivia to Memorize?
Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
–Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.
So They Both Just Lie There?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jess* the other day. She’s been home for a while.
Girl #2: Isn’t she a lesbian now?
Girl #1: Yeah, she was with her girlfriend, Michelle, who was really nice and really hot.
Girl #2: So, Jess is like the boy, right?
Girl #1: No. They are both girls.
–St. Kilda Beach, Australia
Overheard by: one of those lesbians who dates boys
You're Old Enough to Know Heroin Goes in the Eyeball!
Mom to kid: Shooting it up my ass?! Not a good idea!
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Laura L. Davis