Middle-aged woman to friend: Well, she had to get it long before she could use it.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Tim Berzins
Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category
Dude, Everybody Used to Wear Their Hair Like That
Suburban man #1: What about Sam Adams?
Suburban man #2: Ugh, I hate all Sam Adams beers. I would never touch the stuff.
Suburban man #1: Why?
Suburban man #2: Well, Sam Adams was a gay man. And, well, I believe in gayness, but I just don’t think gay people can make beer.
–Lake Waubeeka, Connecticut
Overheard by: Hametuka
Other Than That, Just Vegged Out in My Sweats. Boooring!
Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.
–The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina
They Call Themselves the ‘Unitarians’
Hippie chick #1: He’s doing fantastic.
Hippie chick #2: Really?
Hippie chick #1: Yeah, his family was really worried about him for a while, but he’s fine now… He’s, like, the leader of some cult in the valley.
Hippie chick #2: Good for him.
–Venice Beach, California
Is He Wearing a Patch or a Kippah?
Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!“
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sunny Reiser
She’s Doing It Again
Dude #1: You know how your girlfriend does that thing with her tongue?
Dude #2: I’ve talked to her about that.
–St. Augustine, Florida
I Don’t Care What Anybody Says — Paint Is a Food
Six-year-old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.
–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Every Four-Year-Old Knows a Teenager Like This
Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…
–California
Where’s Jonah, Anyway?
20-ish guy: I looked over at Sharon and didn’t think she had any bottoms on. Then a wave lifted up her stomach, and I saw that she did.
–Old Lyme, Connecticut
Overheard by: Ann
Chloroform Never Leads to Love
Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware
Overheard by: Alaina
