Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

He Said He wasn’t, but It’s Hard to Argue with the Coroner

Woman #1: I once saw my neighbor being taken out of his house in a coroner’s bag.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because he was dead.

–Manhattan Beach, California

You Really Get to Know Someone after Five Years of Marriage

Bimbette: I thought he was a paraplegic, but it turned out he was just lazy.

–Point Pleasant, New Jersey

Overheard by: Patricia

Okay, Maybe It was Every Day, in Our Great Big Rubber Bed

White chick with dreads: Yeah, I used to pee on my best friend all the time… Well, I guess it was really just one time, but we peed on each other. I was sitting on her lap and I was laughing really hard, and I was like, ‘Oh I have to pee,’ but then I thought it’d be even funnier, so I just let it go. Later she tackled me in the water and peed on me. It was kinda nice — like, really warm.

–Pickerel Lake, Michigan

Overheard by: Maude Lynne

Chloroform Never Leads to Love

Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.

–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: Alaina

He Said He Would Love Her Always

Guy #1: No. She, like, threw the tampon.
Guy #2: At him?
Guy #1: Yeah, to turn him on.

–St. Augustine, Florida

It’s the Most Fun I’ve Had Since Becoming a Grandfather

Dude #1: So yeah, she got pretty pissed ’cause we were eating all her food.
Dude #2: That sucks. She’s a bitch.
Dude #1: Yeah, but then we found the peanut butter — dude, it was like we just struck gold! And then we spread it all over her bookshelf.
Dude #2: Nice!
Dude #1: Yeah, it was awesome.

–Spring Lake, New Jersey