Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

Every Four-Year-Old Knows a Teenager Like This

Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…

–California

Focus — We're Trashing People Here

Biotech #1: Wow. Did you see his new girlfriend over there?
Biotech #2: Yeah. She’s got cottage cheese legs.
Bimbette: Really? Where is she? Is she fat?
Biotech #2: It’s not that she’s fat, it’s just that… well… she’s built like a linebacker.
Bimbette, looking in opposite direction: Hey, look — volleyball!

–Hamburg Beach, Germany

Would You Terribly Mind Bubble-Wrapping the Car?

Lady on cell: Hello? I need to get a spare tire put on… Yes, the BMW — my son’s car. Well, I’m not actually sure what tire it is. See, my son’s the one with the flat. He’s a few blocks from home, and he has his own AAA number, but he said he called and he got the automated menu, and he got confused. He’s only 20, and– [pause, then] –Yes, I guess I do coddle him…

–Malibu, California

Overheard by: Danielle

Though I Often Doubt If They Are Worth It

Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.

–Kohala, Hawaii

Overheard by: BLondie