Girl wearing bikini to group of girls wearing chunky sneakers, shorts with suspenders and bedazzled tank tops: Why are you guys wearing that?
Girl in group, nonchalantly: Cuz’ we lookin’ swagalicious.
–St. Joseph, Michigan
Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category
Plus, We’re Always Painfully Candid
Guy #1: I’ve been married for eleven years. My wife and I are always looking for ways to keep our relationship fresh.
Girl: I’ve heard having sex in different rooms of the house helps that.
Guy #2: My wife and I just have sex with different people.
–Santa Monica Pier, California
From The Big Book of Clumsy Pick-Up Lines
Girl #1, approaching girl #2: Um, you should work on your self-esteem more.
Girl #2: What? Who are you?
Girl #1: Take your shorts off. You’re gonna get an ugly tan line.
Girl #2: I’m okay with that, thank you.
Girl #1: What do you care if you are fat? Love yourself!
Girl #2: Fuck off! Who asked your opinion? Who are you?
Girl #1: Hey, can I bum a cigarette?
–Topanga State Beach, Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Freaked Out By CA Chicks
What Would Your Social Life Be Without It?
Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!
–Oval Beach, Michigan
Overheard by: Steph
Okay, Maybe It was Every Day, in Our Great Big Rubber Bed
White chick with dreads: Yeah, I used to pee on my best friend all the time… Well, I guess it was really just one time, but we peed on each other. I was sitting on her lap and I was laughing really hard, and I was like, ‘Oh I have to pee,’ but then I thought it’d be even funnier, so I just let it go. Later she tackled me in the water and peed on me. It was kinda nice — like, really warm.
–Pickerel Lake, Michigan
Overheard by: Maude Lynne
If I’m to Believe Your Hand
Girl: Wait, so I’m cheating on you… with myself?!
Guy: Exactly!
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
…But That Was So Anticlimactic!
Girl, after spilling white lotion on the ground: I didn’t think it would come… Out.
–Tampa, Florida
You Need a Boyfriend, Lucille
Girl #1: You know what would feel really good?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If you jizzed on my back.
–Oceanside Beach, California
Why Maryland’s Famous for Its Crabs
Girl #1: Ooh, he’s cute.
Girl #2: Tell him you’re easy!
–Ocean City, Maryland
Chloroform Never Leads to Love
Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware
Overheard by: Alaina
