Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it. –Ocean Beach, California
Drunk guy to drunk friend, seeing approaching car: Hey! Watch out for death! –Terrigal, Australia
Little black kid: Why can't we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain't no pool, nigga, it's got sharks in it! –Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Scene girl to friend: Hey, Ana!
Friend, yelling: Call me by my MySpace name!
Scene girl, sighing: Fine. (pause) Hey, AnaAutomaticAssaultUnicorn! –Tampa, Florida
Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis! –Virginia Beach, Virginia Overheard by: Allison
Teen to friend: That boy doesn't know his bivalves from his crustaceans. –Colonial Beach, Virginia Overheard by: I love me some bivalves AND crustaceans
30-ish chick #1: Well, maybe your body is telling you that it’s time to have a baby.
30-ish chick #2: Well, maybe I’ll just tell my body to shut the fuck up. –Jones Beach, New York
Woman to friends, as they decide where to set up: Let's look for a part of the beach that isn't so sandy, y'all! –Kill Devil Hills, Outer Banks, North Carolina Overheard by: R U Serious?
12-year-old boy to boogie boarding pal: You just did a 360! That was so awesome! We should all give you blowjobs for that! Even your brother!
Friend: Dude, you are so gay. –Monterey Beach, New Jersey Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith
Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade. –Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida