Stoned surfer: I decided that I won't eat fish anymore, because if I don't eat them, they won't eat me.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Food’ Category
His Wife Split with It
Man on cell: What? What’s up with the banana skirt? How come I don’t get a banana skirt?
–Waikiki, Honolulu, Hawaii
The Partial-Birth Ones Are to Die for
Girl to friends: You know what tastes great? Scrambled chicken abortions…
–Tampa, Florida
Still Think the Media Is to Blame for Obesity and Violence?
Mom: Hey, Jason! I’ll give you fiiive dollars if you can catch a seagull!
Kid: So?
Mom: That’s like… eight Twinkies! [Kid begins chasing gulls.] Oh, look, he’s trying to hit them with rocks!
–South Haven, Michigan
Given the Creatures With Whom I've Been Cohabitating
Girl to friend: I've been so tired and hungry lately.
Friend: Maybe you're pregnant.
Girl: That's not funny at all. I'm not pro-abortion or anything, but I'd have to terminate that quick.
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: Brittany
"Arf-Arf" Means "Give Me the Meat or Die!"
Six-year-old boy running with hot dog in hand, chased by leash-less Doberman Pinscher: Look, Dad!
Suddenly-observant father: No! Drop that meat!
Six-year-old boy, still running with hot dog in hand: But Dad, I’m learning to speak dog!
–Ocean Beach’s Dog Beach, California
Overheard by: fishwhisperer
You've Never Ordered from Papa Johannesburg's?
Girl #1: Who really invented pizza?
Girl #2: I think it was the Africans.
Guy: Africans? Come on, they're still not eating pizza.
–Mt. Clemens, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Lessons in Tolerance
Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don’t like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I’m lactose-intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!
–Venice Beach, California
Oh, It's Already Been Bratwurst!
Unshaven surfer on cell: No, no, no! Do you want me to bring Schnitzel?
–Bondi Beach, Australia
Professional Fluffer?
Old lady to another: She would do anything for a marshmallow!
–Seaside, Oregon
Overheard by: Arianne