Woman sitting at beach with friends: I saw a ladybug in my salad and I ate that shit! It was giving me the finger…
–Riis Beach, New York
Archive for the ‘Food’ Category
Hurry, They Stop Serving Passports at 11:00 A.M.!
Tour coach driver, gesturing to McDonald’s restaurant further down the road: Aaaaand coming up ahead are the golden arches of the American embassy.
–TehanuNui, Nelson, New Zealand
Overheard by: Makenzie
How the Johnson Family Bankrupted Frito-Lay
Mom: You cut your finger on a Cheetoh?
–Hotel pool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
A Suck for Breakfast, a Suck for Lunch, and a Sensible Dinner
Boyfriend, offering a sip of shake: Here, have some.
Girlfriend: No, I’m okay.
Boyfriend: Have some, it’s protein!
Girlfriend: No! I’ll just suck your dick later.
Boyfriend: [Silence.]
–South Beach Florida
Yeah, I’ll Hold
Fat guy on cell: I’m not interested. Throw my food at the dog.
–Rhyl, Wales
Overheard by: Jake
Lessons in Tolerance
Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don’t like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I’m lactose-intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!
–Venice Beach, California
A Blonde Twin
40-something guy: That must be like an all-you-can-eat salad bar of STDs!
60-something guy: She’s a twin.
–Pancake House, Redondo Beach, California
No, Let’s Talk More about the Cheese
Woman: Where are you from?
Twelve-year-old boy: Minnesota.
Woman: Oh, yeah, you have really good cheese there.
Boy: Ummmm…
Woman: Oh, wait. No. That’s Wisconsin. They have really good cheese.
Boy: Yeah. They do. But I’m from Minnesota.
–Virginia Beach
Strategic Incompetence Is Clearly the Way to a Woman’s Heart
Guy: If they try to get you to cook dinner, don’t do it. That’s how they try to control you.
–Redondo Beach, California
The Warden Won’t Let Us Bring It Into the Prison
20-something girl: We can’t make Eric a “sorry you got raped” cake anymore.
–Ocean City, New Jersey
