Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

See, It’s Sa­cred, and that’s Why the Gays Don’t De­serve It

Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Hon­ey, do you want a drink?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, read­ing: Sure.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Do you want a sand­wich?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, ex­as­per­at­ed: Will you give me a mas­sage?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
At­trac­tive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a mas­sage, hot­tie.
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, look­ing up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, whis­per­ing to blonde: So… Can I meet you lat­er, then?

–Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: ea­ger ears

But Has Few­er Carbs

Chick #1: My dog won’t eat its food un­less we mix cot­tage cheese in it.
Chick #2: Ew, cot­tage cheese is dis­gust­ing.
Chick #1: Yeah, I hear it looks like a yeast in­fec­tion.

–Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na