Dad to misbehaving child: Do you want chocolate or a slap?
–Nantasket Beach, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Food’ Category
But You Had to Get All Pissy about that Whole Rape Thing
Girl #1: Hey, see those guys we went out on the date with that time?
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: Up there with the big-ass cooler and grill. I told you we shoulda gone out on another date with them. We coulda been up there drinkin’ beer and eating hot dog right now.
–Cabbage Beach, Paradise Island, Bahamas
Overheard by: d
Tequila-Induced Vomit Per Square Inch Didn’t Quite Make it Into Fodor’s
Girl, to her friend who has just dropped a tortilla: Five second rule!
Friend: I am not eating a fucking tortilla off the floor of Tijuana!
Several bystanders: We’re in Rosarito!
–Taco stand, Rosarito, Baja
I Must Now Take 300 Digital Photographs
Tourist woman, looking at bushes of rose hips: Oh! Look at all the baby tomatoes!
–Horseneck Beach, Massachusetts
Not That Kind Of Package
Girl #1: I’m hungry, let’s get crepes!
Girl #2: What’s a crepe?
Girl #1, after pause: It’s like a package made out of a pancake.
–Santa Barbara, California
Of Course He Liked His Raw and Smeared on Strippers…
Drunk woman at bar: I mean, we had so much in common, you know? He liked red meat, I liked red meat… It was a good relationship.
–Long Beach, California
If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Her Brain Going Snap, Crackle, Pop
Chick #1: Hey, have you heard of those Rice Krispie treats? They’re awesome. They should so make a cereal out of those or something!
Chick #2: You dumbass, they are cereal!
Chick #1: Oh…
–Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: i like rice krispies
It’s Not the Content But the Style That Suggests This Kid Has a Future in Musical Theater
Small boy, carrying bag: Fudge! The wonderful joy of fudge!
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Where Would Human Civilization Be Without That Phrase?
Mom to young child eating a Popsicle: Stop putting that in your mouth! It’s done, there’s nothing left.
Young woman nearby: That’s what he said.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tara
A Blonde Twin
40-something guy: That must be like an all-you-can-eat salad bar of STDs!
60-something guy: She’s a twin.
–Pancake House, Redondo Beach, California
