Archive for the ‘Florida’ Category

Ignorance Makes Me Harder than Chinese Algebra

Freshman bikini girl #1: College classes are much more lame than I thought they would be.
Freshman bikini girl #2: Yeah. I mean, who cares about, like, the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Freshman bikini girl #1: Yeah! Or algebra! Like anyone even cares!
Freshman bikini girl #2: Do you have more baby oil?

–Cocoa Beach, Florida

Overheard by: a professor who specializes in Asian cultures

… At Least 50% of the Time

Female tourist on charter sailboat: Will this boat tip over?
Captain: No. It will go over a little bit, but it won’t tip over.
Female tourist: Good. I was worried about that.
Captain: Well, if it does, it’ll come right back up.

–Panama City Beach, Florida

You Should Start a Support Group.

Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, now I know what you mean about hooking up on a beach.
Drunk girl #2: What?
Drunk girl #1: The sand…it gets everywhere!
Drunk girl #2: Oh yeah, it is like all in my hair and my purse.
Drunk girl #1: No… I mean *everywhere*.
Drunk girl #2: What?
(pause)
Drunk girl #1: I have sand in my vagina!

–Naples, Florida

Not Smart Enough to Capitalize on Free Pussy

Bimbette looking at guy reading GRE study guide: What’s that?
Guy: Huh? [Bimbette points to title.] It’s a test I need to take to get my Master’s. [Bimbette looks confused.] It’s like the SATs for graduate school.
Bimbette: So you’re, like, smart and shit. [Guy stares at her and then walks away.]

–St. Pete Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Chicagoan in FL