Guy on cell, sighing: What are you gonna do, y’know? I mean, besides putting a flashlight in your vagina… Too bad.
–Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: TK
Archive for the ‘Florida’ Category
The Perils Of Early Childhood Exposure to Pinky and the Brain
Girl #1: Seriously, what are we going to do?
Girl #2: Take over the world?
–Boynton Beach, Florida
I'll Just Go Back to Calling Her Fat
Mother to toddler: Baby, don’t cough like that. People are going to think you have TB, and then no one will want to be your friend! [To friend] I probably shouldn’t tell her that, should I?
Friend: Probably not. You’re going to give her a complex.
Mother: Shit.
–Panama Beach, Florida
If No Elevator Is Available, I'd Like to Be Carried on a Litter
Puerto Rican princess: Hey! Hey, you – Mr. Captain or whatever.
Steward: Yes, ma’am?
Puerto Rican princess: Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
Steward: Excuse me?
Puerto Rican princess: Where is the elevator that goes to the front of the ship?
Random passenger: Someone throw her overboard now and put her out of my misery.
–Caribbean Cruise, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: also waiting for elevator
Ooo, and If We Went to the Hairdresser and Got Bangs…
Older lady #1: You know they have a hot stone massage?
Older lady #2: Really?
Older lady #1: Yeah! It sounds really nice.
Older lady #2: Maybe we should get them! Then we can get shirts that say “I got stoned in Miami”
Older lady #1, laughing: We could.
Older lady #2: No, but I actually want to get them and wear that shirt.
–Elemis Spa, Miami Beach, Florida
Bring Me Grandchildren, Then We'll See
Tween girl to parents: You never listen to me!
Mom: Be quiet, Ashley.
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nicole
Two Women and a Cat, and He Thinks They're Straight?
Buff dude: Hey, sexy ladies, what’s up?
Girl #1: Not much, just out with my friend and our cat.
Buff dude: You have a cat on the beach?
Girl #2: Of course! People can bring their dogs, can’t they?
Buff dude: Hey, can I pet your pussy?
–St. Petersburg Beach, Florida
Tomorrow Night It's The Devil in Miss Jones or Nothing
Five-year-old girl to dad humming Lion King theme: Would you please stop singing that song?!
Dad: I can’t get it out of my head.
Five-year-old girl: That’s the last time you make me watch that movie with you.
–Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: jeff little
At 40, after Three Failed In-Vitros, Kassidy Was to Remember This Conversation
Little girl: Are you a mom? You look like a mom.
College student: No. How old do you think I am?
Little girl: Fifteen?
–Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MBD
In the Same Way That Televangelists Heal
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.
–Miami, Florida