Guy on bus to friends: So the longer those titties were in front of me, the happier I became.
–Brisbane, Australia
Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category
…Chug on That.
Drunk chick on raft: Hey, Mike*, would you love Kelly* more if she did a beer funnel?
Mike*, on another raft: We’re married. I don’t have to love her at all.
–Rafting Down Delaware River
Overheard by: twoferrets
This Is Where You Realize That’s What I’ve Always Been
Man on a bike, on cell: Is this where you become an evil bitch?
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ilyse
…When You Think You’re a Total Mary Magdalene
Little boy, angrily to sister: You’re such a virgin, Mary!!
–Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Megan
First Of All, She Needs a Stripper Pole…
Father to 14-month-old daughter: Can daddy get a table dance?”
(toddler starts to bounce up and down)
Mother, taking daughter from father’s arms: No, because she wants to give her mama a lap dance!
Disgusted uncle: This is so wrong on so many levels…
–Doheny State Beach, Dana Point, California
Overheard by: Glad I’m related by marriage
Right Next to the Vagel and Cream Cheese
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! I can see…
MILF, rummaging in beach bag: Calm down, sweetie. Take a deep breath and tell me exactly what you see.
Little girl: I can see… your… bagina.
–Penscola Beach, Florida
…While You’re Sleeping.
Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Allison
‘Dear Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey…’
Guy #1: The only problem I have with [my Blackberry] is when I have to type in French.
Guy #2: Oh. My problem with typing in French is that I hate everyone that I’m addressing.
–Jones Beach, New York
…Unlike Your Soul.
Nagging mother to adult daughter, after sniping at her all afternoon: Your best attribute used to be your personality. But with the life you lead, now it’s dead.
Adult daughter’s husband, without looking up from newspaper: It’s not dead, it’s just asleep.
–Maguire’s Landing, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: oysterwoman
We Were Told This Was a Nude Beach
Pissed off mom to crying sons: You’re goddamned right, we’re leaving and we’re never coming back!
–Rye Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre
