Drunk guy, plopping down on lounge chair: Oh yeah!
Burly man passed out next to him starts to wake up.
Drunk guy: You are a sex machine!
Burly man: What? Where am I??
–Pool bar, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Girl on nearby lounge chair
Archive for the ‘Fat people’ Category
What Happened to Gray, Windowless Vans?
Really loud fat lady: Fat old guys drive nice cars to get with the young pretty girls.
–Public parking lot, Seaside, Oregon
Overheard by: Drewlicious
I Just Realized How Much I Miss The Golden Girls
Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I'll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don't know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)
–Ocean City, Maryland
You Can Call It "Baby Weight" Until the Baby Leaves for College
Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy's tummy.
–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
…And I'd Like to Do It with Dignity.
Fat blubbery man to wife: C'mon already! Let's go in the water–I gotta take a piss!
–Caribbean
Overheard by: Grossed Out
Who Wants to Tap My, Um, Keg?
Heavy sweaty chick, yelling across store at friends: My sweat smells like beer!
–Surf Shop, Laguna Beach, California
Tie Goes to the Hungriest
Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!
–Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan
Overheard by: sandra g
Predator UAV Designers: 'Eeeexcellent!'
Fat guy: Oh boy, that plane looks just like a seagull. You’d never see it coming! Oh wait, that is a seagull.
–Air show, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Steve W
Some Episodes Of To Catch a Predator Are Just Pathetic
Overweight woman chasing squirrley eight-year-old on the beach: Get over…boy! You get…boy! Boy! You lucky I can't run fast in this sand!
–Beach Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Go Kid Go!
Your Editors Refuse to Go to Taco Bell Ever Again
Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled “I'm going to poop on your chest, you'll see!”
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Captain K